After a hike today in Eaton Canyon, I nursed Baby V in my "throne" (aka a torn up "chair and a half" bought at Z Gallery in 1996).  I smelled the sunscreen on our skin and felt the warm, relaxed burn of my muscles and oddly enough it made me think  of Hawaii.  The smell of sunscreen always reminds me of Hawaii and the good times I’ve had there.  I’m no fan of the sun, but I love Kaui anyway.  I’m torn between wanting to celebrate my 40th birthday there with a bikini body and wanting to be pregnant with daughter #2.  Maybe I can split the difference and be a 40 year old pregnant lady in a bikini.

I’ve never had a bad time in Hawaii.  Odie has never been there.  In fact, he’s never been off of North America.  Right before I got pregnant, I was going onto websites like Expedia.com fantasizing about a last hurrah vacation before the belly. I’m glad we chose to spend our money paying off credit card debt instead of jetting off to the Hawaiian Islands.  And then again, I’m not.

But now that I have Baby V, I picture the three of us enjoying the cloudy, humid glory of my favorite island.  First I’d have to get over my paralyzing fear of taking her on an airplane in the age of global pandemics, not to mention my long standing terror of flying.  Add to that a desire not to annoy the other passengers with what is sure to be a young child who does NOT want to sit still for the many hour flight and you have great hesitancy. 

I believe that one day in the near future, my fond memories and my desire to make new ones will overcome all of these petty fears, and Odie, Baby V, and I will enjoy a Hawaiian vacation.  Ideally, my sisters, brothers-in-law and nieces will all come along.  Today, it’s 80 degrees in Los Angeles and it’s a day for dreaming of summer.