Editor’s Note: This blog entry was written in August of 2010. So, if you found it through a Google search, read it and lose your shit, know that you are losing your shit over something that is old news. -MO2
Despite what you may have heard or read, this is not a “hater blog.” Nor is it a blog about Kelle Hampton.
I shuddered writing the word “hater.” It’s a word that falls into the realm of bad English that has become mainstream. Hate is a verb, and even though in English we add -er (or sometimes -or) to the end of a word to mean “a person who,” that doesn’t make all such usage acceptable.
The last two days have been a whirlwind for my little blog. My hits quadrupled in a single day, and stayed high. I was extremely excited. Then I looked at my “Blog Stats” where it tells you what internet searches led people to your blog. I had something like 100 people searching “mrs odie.” I was like, “Whaaaa???” Then, scrolling down, I saw “hate Kelle Hampton” and “Kelle Hampton annoying.” And finally, “Mrs Odie hates Kelle Hampton.” I felt a big lump in my stomach. “Uh oh. The minions have found me out. They’re going to come after me.” And boy, did they.
It turns out, someone went to the super-loving, holding hands and singing Kumbaya comment community on http://enjoyingthesmallthings.blogspot.com and QUOTED my blog. Then, this person gave the link. The comments that come after that end up sounding like I myself posted the quote and the link (I didn’t. I WOULDN’T! I have so much contempt for the people who go on her site, make some syrupy comment about how BEAUTIFUL she is, then leave a link to their blogs — but feel free to link your blog here! I don’t mind!). It also reads like I’m the one who wrote all the nasty comments that followed. I didn’t. Even her father, “POPPA,” the guy who left her mom and the kids because he realized he was gay, said some smack about me. What a sad, lonely, small person I must be, he opined. He used some choice metaphors (“People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch” – As Good as it Gets), but the message was clear. “Leave my little girl alone!”
I totally understand the sentiment. After receiving some nasty emails saying some unkind things about my 16 month old daughter, I imagine I know exactly how he felt having the writing of his 31-year-old adult daughter criticised. Because surely it’s exactly the same thing.
My acerbic wit is not for everyone. I’ve had to temper my caustic comments in my real life because they often get misunderstood. When Oscar Wilde did it or Dorothy Parker did it, it was hilarious. Popular humorists like Chelsea Handler, Joel McHale, and Daniel Tosh (of Tosh.O) generate many of their biggest laughs from parody and satire. They also get their share of criticism (especially Chelsea after her Angelina Jolie rant — a rant I agree with 100%). Now, I know from reading her biography that many people secretly hated Dorothy Parker, and more openly hated her. Ernest Hemingway despised her, but the man loved bullfighting and killed himself with a shotgun (instead of the more popular writers’ suicide tool: alcohol), so I must question his judgment in all things. I have always been an “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me” sort of gal. It gets me laughs. So in my blog, which is generally read by a small handful of my friends and acquaintances, I get to take that bitch out for a walk and give her a long leash.
What did I just say about metaphors and crotches?
In any event, there is more to me than the shit I say about Kelle Hampton’s blog. The blog was brought to my attention by a person in an online mommy group I belonged to. When I first read it, I admit it, I drank the Kool-Aid. I cried and thought, “How sad, how tragic, how beautiful!” The more I read it and thought about it, though, the more it irked me. The more the writing style SCREAMED out for parody. And I couldn’t resist. So if my writing offends you or poisons the little butterflies of your soul, or stops your leprechans from sliding down rainbows into puddles of fluffy bunnies, then rip up your ticket to my sour symphony and follow the confetti trail back from whence you came.
And if you like it, then come sit by me.
The Friendly Pedant by Mrs. Odie 
LOL, that comment was how I found you. I like Kelle’s blog (sometimes), as sometimes I need a better (read: less bitter and crabby) perspective about being a special needs mom, and she provides that. Of course, she’s only 7 months into the SN mom gig, and her child is still an adorable baby doing adorable baby things, so she’s cruising right now. I do like her optimism, though. Sometimes. At any rate, no hating from me. Like who you wanna like. I also loathe Oprah, by the way (love your other post and SO agree…). I guess we’re both going to hell.
I am glad you found me, because I am enjoying reading you as well. And what is a writer without readers? I’ve always gotten a few dozen or so hits a week from people Googling “Kelle Hampton annoying,” which cracks me up. But I have gotten some unsettlingly foul emails from Hampton’s minions. Still, I’ve gotten hundreds of hits on my blog, so maybe, like you, some of them will stick around!
How funny would Chelsea Handler be talking about Hampton’s blog! I laugh just thinking about what she’d say. Maybe once Hampton puts out her blook, appears on Oprah, gets her own reality show and adopts all the Kardashian whores, excuse me I mean sisters, and Poppa becomes best buddies with Kate Gosselin, then Chelsea Handler may pick up on her and rip her apart. I’ll be watching for that!
So… Hampton’s minions are foul mouthed! And I thought they were all made up of pink fluff and fairy dust just like her.
Aren’t we all just self absorbed, narcissistic women, with way too much time on our hands? It’s why most of us blog daily and obsessively look at the number of hits to our site. Whether we are writing about our happy, fluffy rainbow of a family, raving about the latest pot roast recipe or bitching about our husband’s droopy balls and children’s temper tantrums, we all just really wanna be recognized. And if one of our community gets a book deal outta it – well it’s pretty good for all of us. My point is – don’t hate the Hampton – hate the game. I like your site – but I like Hampton’s too. I think there’s room for everyone. Rock on. Mimi
I’m still laughing about the “husband’s droopy balls” comment. That was awesome.
Oh…Poppa. I mean really, how odd does this family sound? Father raises a family and then what? Decides he is gay and all the kids have to deal with that? Kelle…in a constant state of OCD and seeker of perfection. She is an analyst’s dream! Also, looking at Poppa’s pictures that Hampton posts, his face has such a rough quality you wonder what kind of hell this man put himself and his family through. What a facade they have all created over in that fantasy world!
Is it bad to say, this is the post I’ve been dreaming of reading since I first stumbled upon Kelle and Her Littles? I always thought, DS child aside, that she would be perfect fodder for parody. At first I really liked the blog, then the notoriety got to her and it was All Kelle (yes, I do hate the way she spells her name, but then her delightful Poppa is named “Rik”)… Can you imagine being one of her friends, thinking about spending another Sunday at Isle of Capri? “Oh, Jesus – I can’t handle that camera today. Can she leave that fucking camera behind just ONE day!!??”
Anyway – I love your blog even without the Kelle-bashing, which, if I was going to be honest, I’d say I love. I’m a bitch, BTW.
Isle of Crapi, I say.
I would avoid her like the plague. “Uh, Kelle, can you put the camera away? I’d really like to enjoy my vodka shot with crushed up Xanax in it in peace? Danke!”
Holy crap you are funny as hell! Thanks for telling it like it really is! I just stumbled upon your blog just as I was feeling totally inferior to Kelle! I just read her blog today about her “net” of girlfriends….UGGGGH all perfect as she is I bet.
I love you wife, and you make me laugh. My definition of “you” does include a slight hater streak, and I love that you own it and take that bitch out for walks in the blogosphere. To me this is the antithesis of what some of the crazier Hamptonians do – suppress their disowned shadows under a thick coating of rainbows and unicorns, project them onto others, and proceed to hate them with intense passion.
Nice metaphor, sweetie. You owe me a crotch shampoo.
WHAT is the deal with “I want Poppa to adopt me”? Are these not adult women? Is her reading audience full of orphans?
Today, she eliminated the anonymous comment option, I noticed. I noticed because I wanted to correct some moron minion’s misquote of a common saying. But oh, well. I don’t blame her. I’d do it.
Maybe another blog should be started: “Reactions And Replies To Kelle’s Moronic Minions.” There’s enough material there, believe me.
Nice alliteration! But not in an overly-contrived Rik/Poppa kind of way.
http://liferearranged.com/2010/04/kelle-hampton-grocery-store-vacation/
Oh good God. Hampton even brings her camera to the grocery store and makes that an online event. Is nothing sacred? I wonder if that camera goes along with Miss Kelle to her GYN appts. too. Is there such a term as a Blog Whore? NO? Well she could be the first.
Kelle Hampton’s life and family sounds like a bad epsiode of Will and Grace.
Is there a good episode of “Will and Grace”?
Heh. I like the Hampton blog. I like this one, too.
Since I’m mostly bitchy, most of the time, a little sugar goes a long way over here.
Caryl
So far, so good. I like your writing style.
Of course, I like Kelle Hampton’s writing style as well. And her photography. And her views about her life.
I did a search on hate kelle hampton because another blog I read went on a freaking TIRADE against Kelle. Enough of one that I figured she wasn’t alone in her feelings and thought I’d like to see more views.
Your view doesn’t seem to me to be outrageous. Or a tirade. It’s just your view.
Off to read some more of you and probably subscribe in my lovely little google reader.
Have a great day!