I always tell my students to consider the audience. When they are reading something, they need to imagine the intended audience in order to uncover and analyze the author’s purpose and style. As writers, they must tailor their prose to the needs and expectations of their readers.
I am no different. A little clutch of people want to know what I think about that mommy blogger with the camera blog. And I am not one to ignore the needs and expectations of my readers.
Apparently her people/handlers/agents or whatever have let her know that the grandma character needs to make more of an appearance in her story. The gay father is very chic and with it and “now” for our more hip, liberal viewers (oops, I mean READERS, the show isn’t on the air yet), but we also need it to play in the Bible Belt and the Red States, so can grandma drop by and bake a pie or something? So, guess who showed up on the doorstep ready to knead dough and knit hats? Daddy dearest’s ex-wife.
There are, naturally, dozens of stunning photos no doubt carefully chosen out of hundreds. You can almost smell the apple pie baking. I hope grandma doesn’t get her feelings too hurt when K-Hizzle squirts dish soap all over it in the middle of the night to stop herself from eating the whole thing. The camera adds ten pounds, after all.
Her baby daughter is wearing glasses and looks adorable as usual. Babies are adorable. (I scroll through the pictures and only skim the words, and if there is at least one “dude” in there and an -ing ending or two shortened to -in’, then I know this was not a post heavily edited by someone else). I’ve known several kids who had to start wearing glasses very young. The daughter of one couple I know had to have a dozen eye surgeries before her fifth birthday, poor girl. At least this baby daughter of a famous mommy blogger will have a day-by-day record of herself in her glasses. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of photos. All on the internet for everyone to admire. And probably a truckload of donated free designer frames as well.
And such a supportive community! I didn’t even need to READ the 300 plus comments to know that they were all telling the photographer to keep a stiff upper lip and keep creating magic because everything she touches turns into the tears of angels which will be gently wiped away by gossamer butterfly wings.
Curious if the father would weigh in on a post primarily about his ex-wife, I scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. For a moment, I was taken aback! Wow! He’s actually not going to make this post about hi– Oh, no, wait. There it is. And another. And a third. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds (I can quote Emerson TOO! Well, misquote, technically). Such adoration this father has for his daughter and grandchildren. Bubbling with blissful, boastful blather is he.
Following a discussion thread about this photographer-turned-blogger, I was reminded of the part of her profile where she explains, somewhat, how she has so much time to take and process photographs and do crafty craft stuff with the “littles” and always manages to have on full make-up, a blow-out, and manicured fingers and toes while most of us mommies don’t know when our next shower will be. Turns out, she gets up super early and doesn’t watch tv. Funny, though, that she wants her FANS to watch tv. Specifically HER on tv. There’s even a “TV Show Idea” section of her blog. So, tv is a terrible waste of time that could be spent creating magic with littles on private island paradises, but be sure to tune in and watch ME creating magic with MY littles (I’ll show you how you can afford to do what I do on your meager budget!).
There is an audience for this stuff, though. I don’t watch television shows about people with child armies, or small-statured people in large-statured worlds, or so-called “real” housewives who have household staffs, jobs, and sometimes no husbands (Aside: I mean, I thought a housewife was someone who stayed home with children and took care of her house while her husband worked. Apparently, a “real housewife” is a wealthy [or pseudo-wealthy] woman who spends her time snatching wigs off of other “real housewives.” ) I don’t watch, but millions of people do. Even some people who are RELATED TO ME (side-eye, ShannieO).
And one final comment to my commentary, this one is a grammar nit-pick. “Mama’s home” does not generally make one think “Mama is home” but rather, “the home that belongs to Mama.” Apostrophes make so many unnecessary appearances in this blog (refer to the in’ instead of ing phenomenon mentioned before). I’ve been taken to task for criticism of this sort. No one is immune to making such errors, even me (notice I didn’t say “myself”). I’m an English teacher, though, and if I make you more mindful of your usage and punctuation as you write to tell me what a jerk I am, then I feel I’ve done my job.
But, hey. Whatever floats your catamaran around your magical island. Dude.