A Foolish Consistency of My Little Mind

I always tell my students to consider the audience.  When they are reading something, they need to imagine the intended audience in order to uncover and analyze the author’s purpose and style.  As writers, they must tailor their prose to the needs and expectations of their readers.

I am no different.  A little clutch of people want to know what I think about that mommy blogger with the camera blog.  And I am not one to ignore the needs and expectations of my readers.

Apparently her people/handlers/agents or whatever have let her know that the grandma character needs to make more of an appearance in her story.  The gay father is very chic and with it and “now” for our more hip, liberal viewers (oops, I mean READERS, the show isn’t on the air yet), but we also need it to play in the Bible Belt and the Red States, so can grandma drop by and bake a pie or something?  So, guess who showed up on the doorstep ready to knead dough and knit hats?  Daddy dearest’s ex-wife.

There are, naturally, dozens of stunning photos no doubt carefully chosen out of hundreds.  You can almost smell the apple pie baking.  I hope grandma doesn’t get her feelings too hurt when K-Hizzle squirts dish soap all over it in the middle of the night to stop herself from eating the whole thing.  The camera adds ten pounds, after all.

Her baby daughter is wearing glasses and looks adorable as usual.  Babies are adorable. (I scroll through the pictures and only skim the words, and if there is at least one “dude” in there and an -ing ending or two shortened to -in’, then I know this was not a post heavily edited by someone else).  I’ve known several kids who had to start wearing glasses very young.  The daughter of one couple I know had to have a dozen eye surgeries before her fifth birthday, poor girl.  At least this baby daughter of a famous mommy blogger will have a day-by-day record of herself in her glasses.  Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of photos.  All on the internet for everyone to admire.  And probably a truckload of donated free designer frames as well.

And such a supportive community!  I didn’t even need to READ the 300 plus comments to know that they were all telling the photographer to keep a stiff upper lip and keep creating magic because everything she touches turns into the tears of angels which will be gently wiped away by gossamer butterfly wings. 

Curious if the father would weigh in on a post primarily about his ex-wife, I scrolled and scrolled and scrolled.  For a moment, I was taken aback!  Wow!  He’s actually not going to make this post about hi– Oh, no, wait. There it is. And another.  And a third.  Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds (I can quote Emerson TOO!  Well, misquote, technically).  Such adoration this father has for his daughter and grandchildren.  Bubbling with blissful, boastful blather is he.

Following a discussion thread about this photographer-turned-blogger, I was reminded of the part of her profile where she explains, somewhat, how she has so much time to take and process photographs and do crafty craft stuff with the “littles”  and always manages to have on full make-up, a blow-out, and manicured fingers and toes while most of us mommies don’t know when our next shower will be.  Turns out, she gets up super early and doesn’t watch tv.  Funny, though, that she wants her FANS to watch tv.  Specifically HER on tv.  There’s even a “TV Show Idea” section of her blog.  So, tv is a terrible waste of time that could be spent creating magic with littles on private island paradises, but be sure to tune in and watch ME creating magic with MY littles (I’ll show you how you can afford to do what I do on your meager budget!).

There is an audience for this stuff, though.  I don’t watch television shows about people with child armies, or small-statured people in large-statured worlds, or so-called “real” housewives who have household staffs, jobs, and sometimes no husbands (Aside: I mean, I thought a housewife was someone who stayed home with children and took care of her house while her husband worked.  Apparently, a “real housewife” is a wealthy [or pseudo-wealthy] woman who spends her time snatching wigs off of other “real housewives.” ) I don’t watch, but millions of people do.  Even some people who are RELATED TO ME (side-eye, ShannieO).

And one final comment to my commentary, this one is a grammar nit-pick.  “Mama’s home” does not generally make one think “Mama is home” but rather, “the home that belongs to Mama.”  Apostrophes make so many unnecessary appearances in this blog (refer to the in’ instead of ing phenomenon mentioned before).  I’ve been taken to task for criticism of this sort.  No one is immune to making such errors, even me (notice I didn’t say “myself”).  I’m an English teacher, though, and if I make you more mindful of your usage and punctuation as you write to tell me what a jerk I am, then I feel I’ve done my job.

But, hey.  Whatever floats your catamaran around your magical island.  Dude.

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About Mrs Odie

Like you, only funnier.
This entry was posted in Essays/Commentary, Pure side-splitting comedy and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to A Foolish Consistency of My Little Mind

  1. Janice says:

    All I have to say is exploiting kids on an ongoing basis like Kelle Hampton does is the lowest. Her constant need for praise and confirmation is so sad. It must have been a rough childhood or something.

  2. mrsk6 says:

    Oh how overjoyed I was to see that you caught up on your blogging! After a day of homework and being trapped in my own head, it was nice to take a trip through yours. Cheers my good friend!

  3. jess says:

    I have been a reader here for a bit, but never a commenter. I just can’t come here anymore. Your posts that continuously exhibit such hate and negativity are just beyond me. What must your life be like, Mrs. Odie to cause this dark side? I hope that something, anything, will come along to cause you to realize what is important in this world and that’s it’s not about downing others who have already realized this. One day, your time on this earth will be done. Will you look back knowing you did the best you could and left your mark in such a way that would make others reflect on what a kind and loving person you were? If you continue as you are….with this very mean spirit, that will not be the case. How sad. Your commenters here are also unbelievable. I truly didn’t know adults could be this way.

    • Mrs Odie 2 says:

      “Jess,” You inquired as to what my life must be like to cause this dark side. Oh, there is stuff. Lots of it. None of it is fun to read about though. It’s also private. When my time on this earth is done, I will be unable to look back and know anything. I will be dead. What I will leave behind is a child that I loved more than anything. Perhaps two, so my Baby V will have someone to bitch to about what a crazy bitch mom was. You don’t know me, so you don’t know what kind of “mark” I will leave, nor do you know what my friends and family will reflect on when my body is rotting in the earth. You may feel free to dance in expensive shoes on my grave. I do not believe you have been a reader here.

      By the way, you need a second comma after “Mrs. Odie,” since you used it as a noun of direct address. I haven’t seen “down” used as a verb, but I think I understand what you mean to say. How do you KNOW what life is about? I always heard “the hokey pokey” is what it’s all about. I’m going with that.

      My commenters can be a little harsh, I agree. I don’t judge them for it. I know they are just blowing off some steam. I don’t think it is indicative of their “mean spirits.” Maybe I’m wrong. Don’t know.

      Maybe if I owned several income properties in Florida, I would better understand what is important in this world. Unfortunately, with my student loan debt and my credit score, that is highly unlikely.

      Thank you for trying to straighten me out. Trying to get me to hammer some nails and build something more beautiful. You may want to hop over to Bill Maher’s website. He said some very nasty things about Ben Stein.

  4. ASDmomNC says:

    Is she really trying to get a tv deal??? Ew.

    • Mrs Odie 2 says:

      To me, the whole thing has smelled like “TV show pitch” since the birth of her second child. The writing changed dramatically after that. I also noticed a comment many months ago from someone who claimed to be an Oprah producer, and that person said she was pulling for KH to get the show. I saw on the news recently that they had American Idol style auditions for the “next Oprah” show, so maybe they decided to go in a new direction. Which is fine. I don’t know why I let it piss me off so much, really. It’ll just be another show I have no interest in watching, like the Kardashians.

      • ASDmomNC says:

        Yuck. Well, as you know, I like KH, but if she does a tv show, that will change all that for me. How very Kate plus 8 of her. Gag.

        • Mrs Odie 2 says:

          That has been my main criticism. It all seems so fake to me. So falsely humble. She clearly has been very lucky in her life and her family doesn’t want for much, and the whole, “Aw, shucks, I’m just like you regular people!” bit is disingenuous. That’s my view, anyway.

  5. Mrs Odie 2 says:

    How interesting! Like most stuff related to KH, this summary of her wedding made me feel dumpy and less than. I’m not surprised the wedding took place at a country club. Apparently you can’t swing a Birkin bag around Naples without hitting a golf course.

  6. Liz says:

    I find it ironic that KH entitles her blog “Enjoying The Small Things” yet the majority of her writing is about the “big things.” Vacations on the IOC, new clothes constantly, expensive homes, and so on. I personally think she’s a hypocrite.

    • jess says:

      Why are many of you commenters so jealous? And Mrs. Odie, why not use the time you are reading and obsessing over KH’s blog with your child instead for example? Then, maybe you yourself could make some fairy dust memories! It bothers me to know grown women harbor such bitterness. Very sad for your kids too. What kind of example are you setting? Some commenter here wrote about her nose, and how her eye bothers them. What?! REALLY!! Does that commenter lack flaws? And to comment on physical features. Aren’t you grasping a bit?? You all are too much. You don’t sound happy with your lives. Maybe consider praying for a change of heart. This is more than just “letting off steam”. You guys are mean. If you believe in God, what do you think He’d say to all this? I just wonder how you cope when life deals you a hand that maybe isn’t what you’d planned or hoped for when you are already this bitter!! This really is very sad to me, and I don’t even know you. Prove that your blog’s existence doesn’t rely on KH or any other blogger you secretly wish to be. Can you??!!

  7. Trixiebell says:

    There’s a website http://happilychildfree.com that has these glossary terms posted. The site is pretty harsh about all parents, so I’m not saying check it out, but I do love these terms, which may apply to some “writer” we know, and her minions.

    Baby Stalking — This is when some parent comes up to you and is blatantly trying to get you to comment on their child. Often this is accompanied by a loud and/or sing-songy voice that is obviously for your benefit and not the child’s. It’s also usually accompanied by many looks at you with a big smile on their face. They are fishing for compliments. Don’t give in.

    Breeder Pleaser — Any person who really kisses up to people with kids, even the stupid ones. Usually refers to a childfree person, but really can be applied to anyone.

    Martyr Mommy Brigade — This new breed of mommys who crave attention and sympathy so much that they’ll go to any lengths to get it.

    Mompetition — Competition between mothers.

    Mompetitors — Moms who always want to compete and try to one-up everyone.

    • Mrs Odie 2 says:

      Awesome. I have seen lots of “baby stalkers” on that other site who say things like, “I’m not married and don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I want to be EXACTLY LIKE YOU! YOU ARE THE BEST MOTHER EVER!” Hopefully, they don’t put a link to that blog on their Match.com profiles.

      I have definitely been guilty of being part of the Martyr Mommy Brigade. At least to some extent. Awareness is the first step.

    • Mrs Odie 2 says:

      I’m more jealous of “Dig” than anybody. The farm! The chickens! The composting! The gorgeous kids! Now I feel worse about myself than EVAH! Although, my little Odielette is pretty adorable. Can’t wait for her to meet her Greek Auntie and cousin.

      • Mrs Odie 2 says:

        Oh, and when I heard that lightning had stricken your house (ho-lee sheet!), I thought that maybe God WAS listening to Reverend Jess and trying to deal me a hand I hadn’t planned for to see how I coped. But then I remembered that you’re in GREECE, so it wasn’t God at all, it was Zeus. And he was probably just drunk. Again.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Anyone find it funny that NONE of Kelle’s husband’s family comments on her blog? Something to think about…

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