We have the Sunday blues today. Odie is moping around. I am feeling bored, restless, and trapped by the rain. V is having mood swings like an adolescent. The dog is shivering in a corner, making a puddle of drool as she pants over how the thunder is going to kill her. Our cats are smacking the shit out of each other.
It’s just one of those days.
I am working hard today to convince myself that it’s all in my head. When I think about MY life, in my little corner of the world, things look pretty good. I have a home, a job, a family, and the luxury of complaining. But if I do something seemingly innocuous, like watch Bill Maher looking for a laugh, I’m filled with worry and angst over the state of the world. Was it always this horrible and depressing, and I was just oblivious in my younger years? Surely war, famine, natural disaster and class warfare have been with us for centuries. Religious people have been crying “END TIMES!” since the week Christ was crucified. If you want to sound like a wise prophet, just predict war, famine, political unrest and natural disaster.
I don’t believe in the prognostications of Armageddon. I respect the people who do. In fact, I have some ultra-religious friends of varying sects, and I have found that the ultra-religious, when they love you, can tolerate a LOT of unreligious behavior from you. For that, I am grateful to them. I think they even pray for me, which is awfully thoughtful of them.
I have written before about self-serving philosophies. Maybe that’s one of mine. It is too horrible to think that my children will not grow up because the world will end. So I choose not to believe that. And yes, I realize that the “up-side” is that if you are “saved” then you will all be transported to Heaven to spend all of eternity together, so this earthly plane will cease to matter. I’m just very “earthly-planed” in my particular beliefs, and I’m going to go ahead and keep believing that we’re going to be around for a long time. I’m reading “Physics of the Future” by Michio Kaku to help me towards that end. Fascinating stuff.
I live in Southern California, where every time it rains, people start moaning that we need to build an ark. I guess I’ve learned to be immune to some of that “The Sky is Falling!” talk.
But the pessimism and fatalism seep in. It’s easy to get sad and hopeless when you listen to the news. And if you turn it off and shut it out, you can be accused of burying your head in the sand. Being part of the problem. That’s what my father-in-law once said to me when I told him I don’t pay attention to all of that crap on the news.
I think that maybe I will get some books on CD to listen to in the car instead of the news. I don’t like to listen to music, and talk radio is nothing but politics, which is lately nothing but depressing. This must be what the Republicans felt like during the Obama campaign. Defeated.
For the last six months or so, I have been generously making a monthly donation to my local YMCA in the form of a gym membership I never use. Today, I decided that I’m going to start using the pool. I was a swimmer as a child and a teenager. My doctor recommended that I exercise to help with my joint and back pain, and the YMCA has a pool. Today, I bought some prescription goggles for fifteen bucks, and a four-dollar silicone swimming cap. Knowing my tendency to make grand plans that I never follow through with, I am planning to start small. One day this week, I will leave work early, go to the pool, and paddle around a bit. I must remind myself not to attempt the 500 meter freestyle of my youth. I have wanted to go back to swimming for ages, but vanity about my skin and hair have kept me from it. I did some research, and apparently with the right products for both, I can minimize the chlorine damage. My skin already looks like hell from this pregnancy.
Writing about and thinking about positive changes is already turning my mood around a little. V is playing with her Play-doh now, and just announced, “We’re having a party!”
I could use a party right now. Sounds good.