Everyone is asleep. It’s 7:30 on Saturday morning and I’m sitting on my couch with my coffee (nonfat milk and Truvia) listening to the whirring sound of Pringles’ swing. All night long she has been grunting and moaning. She did the previous night too. Tiny babies and their tummies give new parents all sorts of woe.

My mind was industrious last night during feedings and soothings. I have some terrible back pain so I couldn’t get comfortable even when Pringles settled for one to two hours at a time. Motrin helped the pain, but my mind kept going.

The Bloom Project, renamed Flourish, has not manifested completely as planned. You can read about it by clicking on the tag “TBP” or “The Bloom Project” here on my site. The diet Odie and I are on is a big part of it. A new blogger I’m following wrote about how she doesn’t believe in dieting except in the short-term (for special events, she means). Weight loss maintenance eating is a way of life. I totally agree with her. She is very thin, eats well, and works out all the time. How much do we hate her? I don’t have the exact measurement, but it’s a lot.

I weigh myself daily and nothing anyone says is going to make me stop. It’s a compulsion. Dr. Moreno, who wrote The 17 Day Diet, is the first authority who has ever supported this practice, that I’m aware of. People who don’t weigh themselves are more likely to gain weight because they don’t pay attention to their weight (whether it’s through forceful denial or not, we don’t know). That is my experience. In my teens and twenties, the number on the scale in the morning determined whether I would have a good day or a bad day. Whether I rewarded myself or punished myself. Whether I was a worthy human being or a fat pile of shit. Presently, it just gives me information and I do not have a strong emotional reaction to it. Yesterday, the scale registered a one pound gain, even though I followed my diet.

It hurt a bit. I won’t lie.

Whereas 29 year-old me would have thrown herself onto the bathroom floor in tears and then either starved or binged all day, 39 year-old me went, “Huh. What do you know? Well, whatever.” I suspect that I might be eating too few calories, and my breastfeeding body which has a baby to sustain is going “Wait a minute here. We need to start conserving.”

In any event, it was an EXCELLENT excuse to munch on some tortilla chips and queso dip while pacing the living room with Pringles in the sling and watching Project Runway on DVR.

And I was right. I think.

Don’t tell Odie I “cheated.” I tried to talk him into us giving up the diet together and doing something reasonable like Weight Watchers, or even skipping to Phase 3 of this diet which is all about portion control, not about eliminating any foods. He obstinately refused. What choice did I have but secret rebellion behind his back? Whether I stay on this restrictive diet or not remains to be seen.

What I will take away from it is the emphasis on fresh produce, particularly vegetables. Unfortunately, our grocery bill has jumped considerably. For the first time, I understand that it is expensive to eat healthfully, especially if you go for organic produce. I feel that I must, since I am breastfeeding and need to minimize my chemical exposure. Red bell peppers are my favorite vegetable, and those bad boys are pricey! If we ate at fast food restaurants three times a day, we would save so much money. We live in a country where poor people cannot afford to be thin.

So, weight loss is ongoing. That is a huge part of Bloom/Flourish, but so is beautification. I’m average looking/borderline pretty, however I do not take great care of myself. I don’t “beautify.” I almost never wear make-up, shop for new clothes, wipe the baby barf off my shirt, clean my glasses, exfoliate, shave my legs, wear body lotion, etc. I sort of always look like I’m camping.

With an eye to improving in this arena, I have decided to color my hair. I ordered Garnier Herbashine Color Creme in 645 Copper Mahogany Brown. The ad in Us Weekly was a winner for me. This is the hair color I covet. Surprisingly, I don’t have gray hairs yet (not that I see anyway), but my brownish-red color could use some enhancement. When I feel good about my hair, I feel better about myself in general.

I had it in my mind that I would lose weight and get fit, then reward myself with hair coloring. But why wait for my body to be just right in order to fix my hair? Perhaps my shiny copper mane will distract people from my lumpy butt and my Flubber tummy. Besides, losing 58 (now 50) pounds is going to take some serious time. No need to have blah color for all those months when the solution is only seven bucks away. At least, I hope so. This could all be a huge mistake. We shall see!

Bigger goals include yoga and swimming. I also want to learn WordPress.com better to improve my blog. There are four topics I generally cover: teaching, dieting/weight loss, parenting/marriage and entertainment. I’d like to find a way to create different places for those subjects, because I know my readers have different reasons for following my blog. This fall, I plan to embark on something new: The Housewife Project. I get to be a stay-at-home mom for twenty weeks! I blew it last time, barely managing to get myself showered and all my stored-up TV shows watched. This time, I have higher aspirations. Because I get the luxury of staying home with Pringles and sending Viva to day care, I want to create a world where Odie doesn’t have to do any housework when he comes home. He is a stress monster, so I plan to handle all of the home stress. This will be my full-time job. There is much clutter to remove and organization to do, not to mention deep cleaning. And of course, I want to write about it. Not in an annoying DIY way where I post “tips” and charming photos of before and after. Like the internet needs any more of that.

Oh, hey, look! Baby barf! Back to work for me. Enjoy your weekend.