I belong to a group of mothers on Facebook and we requently post questions to each other asking for advice. Recently, I posted the following:
“I get to be a stay-at-home-mom for 20 blissful weeks. I have big plans about projects of decor and organization I want to do around the house. What I have found the first week, however, is that it’s so much work to stay on top of the day-to-day that I have no time left for my list of projects. To those of you who have been doing this longer, any advice?”
I got many responses, and they all said some version of: “When you figure it out, please let me know.”
It appears I’ve hit upon a universal challenge of SAHMs. The baby only naps for so many hours a day, so how can I finish my “to do list” in that limited time? So far, I can’t.
For example, Tuesday was the new Monday this week. Labor Day gave us a three-day weekend, which amounted to an extra day to make a mess around the house. Dishes were piled high in the sink, laundry piled high in the bedroom, empty beer bottles piled high in the recycle bin. Viva’s toys and art supplies were everywhere.
After I came back from taking Viva to day care, I nursed Pringles down for her two-hour morning nap and tackled the kitchen. That took almost all of naptime. And I didn’t even “deep clean” the kitchen. I just did the dishes, wiped down the range and swept the floor. I did about three loads of laundry, including two dryer-fuls of unfolded clothes Odie washed over the weekend.
Some people forget laundry in the washer. My spouse has an equally annoying laundry forgetfulness. I actually think it’s neglect more than forgetfulness. He leaves laundry in the dryer. I absolutely hate this. I would rather he didn’t do the damn laundry at all than wash it, dry it and leave it unfolded in the dryer.
Because you can’t just pull it out and fold it. Everything is wrinkled to hell. I end up having to run the “touch up” feature on my dryer which sprays the clothes with mist and then tumbles them. It’s like a steamer only not anywhere near as effective. Odie would happily just get his underwear from the dryer for weeks. That shiftless son of a bitch.
Thus, before I can even begin the three loads of laundry, I must redry and fold two loads (he also has a charming habit of putting the freshly dried clothing in the basket, thereby making room to put another load in the dryer and folding neither). Between laundry and cleaning the kitchen, I have to nurse and change my baby. Having a two year-old who only needs a diaper change a few times a day, I am overwhelmed by how much Pringles gets wet. And nothing feels better to her than going in a clean diaper, so as soon as I put it on, she looks at me with this sweet relaxed face that says, “Yes! Finally!” and then she floods it.
I’m proud of myself that I still managed to tidy the living room. I didn’t get to vacuum the pound of sand Viva brought back from the playground in her shoes and her hair, but I’ll get to it.
Projects I have planned include cleaning out all of our drawers and closets and either throwing out or donating clothing. It’s good that I have the opportunity to do this without Odie home, because it would never happen. If you’ve ever watched any of the “Hoarders” shows, you know that every time those helpful people try to throw out a load of crap, the toothless cat lady has to “go through it” first. Those are always Odie’s exact words. “I’ll need to go through anything you want to get rid of.”
Not if it’s only my stuff you won’t.
Odie’s college roommate has an “Odie the Loveable Jackass” story, my name for the genre of tales most of his friends from that era like to tell. Roommate basically scooped up all of Odie’s stuff that was everywhere and put it in a giant yard trash bag and dumped it on his bed. The goal was for him to “go through it” at some point, which never happened. My understanding is that the bag merely made daily pilgrimages from the bed to the floor to the closet as needed.
I, myself, am a purger. I would call 1-800-GotJunk today, point to the house and say “Everything.” But leave the kids. That would be my dream. To start over. This very same scenario is Odie’s nightmare. While he is convinced that there are hidden, buried treasures in our house and garage that he cannot live without, I am equally convinced that if I’ve lived without it this long, I can continue to do so.
Just to prove me wrong, over Labor Day Weekend he unearthed a remote control helicopter he hasn’t played with for four years and spent all weekend fucking with it. It flies (sort of) for about 45 seconds, and then he has to fiddle with it for about 4.5 hours. Imagine if I had thrown it out or given it away, the experience I would have robbed him of!
My plan is to get rid of my shit and categorize and store his. If I can’t cart it off to Goodwill, at least I can label it and pack it away where he will always know where it is while he is never using it ever again. I won’t make the mistake I made with the laundry on Thursday.
While folding one of the loads Odie left in the dryer, I noticed some of the white (or formerly white) t-shirts were in horrible shape. He’d probably had some of them for ten years. I logged on to Amazon.com and ordered him two three-packs of new white t-shirts, then threw the offending shirts in the garbage. I did the same for any socks that had holes in them. I refuse to continue to wash and fold socks with holes. I love being a housewife in the online shopping era. Need new shirts? Click! New shirts on their way, with free shipping! Of course, it might also be nice to be a housewife in the sixties where I could just get a prescription for Valium if I were feeling dissatisfied by the condition of my husband’s shirts.
I was very excited to tell him about this, but when I did, you should have seen his face. He held it together, because there was very much a “I am not going to get upset because what’s done is done” set about his shoulders.
“You’re upset!” I said, astonished. “You’re upset that I threw your stained old t-shirts away!”
“I’m not,” he insisted, unconvincingly.
“You ARE!” I shook my head, disbelieving, and promised both him and myself I wouldn’t make that mistake again. I don’t want him to be upset, of course. I love him. As much as I’d like to pile most of his stuff in the front yard, squirt lighter fluid on it and blow it to Hell, I wouldn’t want to make him sad.
I’m just going to have to get some yard trash bags.
The Friendly Pedant by Mrs. Odie 
I am a SAHM of two little ones. The “trick” is to have a routine. It’s boring, but you have to stick to the routine at least 90% of the time. If you stick to the routine, you can add in one or two projects a week on top of the normal load. And you are at an advantage to getting more work done than the rest of us – you can take one child to daycare during the day. Newborns will happily watch you work for a while, so put her in a bouncer and go to town. 🙂
Yes, I feel like a bit of a heel complaining while I have the day care option. If Viva were home, like she is on weekends, we would have to have a schedule that was Swiss in its precision. My newborn is high needs and adores being held. I keep trying the bouncy seat. Your advice is much appreciated.
I wonder how our friend Patti gets her housework done with 7 kids at home. In her photos, the place always looks snazzy.
You’ve just summed up one of the major issues in our marriage, too. I’ve been known to drive things across town and hide them in Dumpsters, because Kevin tends to go through our trash and resurrect things I’ve tossed. I love him, but I hate packratness. Just watching an episode of “Hoarders” gives me hives.
You absolutley have a right to complain! You are adjusting to a new family! Whether you have added one child to a crew of 1 or one child to a crew of 12…lol.
My husband is in the military. He deployed to Iraq for a year, a month after I delivered our fourth child. It took me some time but here is the schedule that worked for me while she was an infant maybe it will work for you: Three day rotation: Day 1) Sleep during baby’s naps; Day 2) Clean/do a project during baby’s naps; Day 3) Run errands (she slept through it all)/finish project during baby’s naps. When baby was up, I was all about the kids although I would sometimes make a cleaning “game” and get the eldest three (8, 6, 4) to do some picking up for me 🙂
I am a purger too! This is something the military helps me with 🙂 Everytime we move I refuse to move with junk. So we go through everything, litteraly every single item in my house, everytime we move and get rid of what we haven’t used during the time we lived at the current location (assignments are usually 2-3 years, if I haven’t used it during that time, I don’t want it) as well as other things we have “outgrown.” I have a husband that always sees a use for everything, so this moving purge is more difficult for him…lol… I try to have patience.
I, too, am a purger, married to a……well, not exactly a hoarder; since we have nice storage in our house he is able to keep everything stacked in neat piles. (Oh – that includes all of his Cliff Huxtable sweaters from the 80’s that the X gave him – in the 80’s.)
Allow me to share a tip with you: forget all of that honesty crap when it comes to purging. Purging when you are married to a neat-hoarder must be done in absolute secrecy. There should be no evidence. I have managed to quietly cull sweaters and old beer T shirts (all neatly folded in stacks. High stacks.) over the years by making sure all purging is done while my H is away. Chances are he has no idea what kind of crap he’s got, anyway. And never – for the love of all that’s holy – put the stuff in a transparent bag. Big black trash bags – always.
Remove the bag and all traces of purging ASAP from the premises.
You’re welcome.
😉
Hahahaha! You always make me laugh, Rosie.
Back at ya, Sweetie!
I think this is what some working moms think…that stay at home moms have all the time in the world to do special projects when really when u have kids in the house all day you have to clean up more often, vacuum more often, do dishes 3 times a day. Now there are lots of perks…spending a few hours at a park with a girlfriend and her kids, playgroups, etc. I want to say the I also wonder how the working moms ever get their errands run and gosh there must be so much stress every evening getting everything done and spending fun time with the kids. Neither way is perfect.
9, but who’s counting….
I thought your oldest three had flown the nest. My mistake. So more than ever, I wonder, how do you keep a clean house with nine kids at home?
little slaves, large closets, and selective photos. oh and a HUGE chore chart. with great rewards!
my oldest flew the coop, my third oldest will leave tomorrow and my second oldest in two months:( however, I have plans for them all to move back home when the economy tanks. HAHA! sort of.
When the economy tanks? That happened already. Twice.