Blocked Channels

I feel blocked. Not just creatively, but physically. I have an 11 week baby who hates to be put down. I can put her in a carrier, but then I can’t bend over and pick things up, so inevitably, I drop everything. It seems like a good idea to vacuum while she’s in the carrier because she likes the sound and it involves constant walking. I didn’t realize how much vacuuming necessitates bending over to move things out of the way. And she doesn’t like to be in the Ergo unless she’s sleepy, while the Bjorn kills my back. The Moby Wrap is too hot. She refuses to go in the sling at all.

You’re going to tell me to pick up everything and get it out of the way before I start vacuuming. Or recommend another carrier I try.

Stop giving me logical and creative solutions to my problems! I’m trying to complain!

Why do I feel like 95% of the mommies out there have babies who nap happily in a crib? Last night, I spent two hours intermittently walking and/or nursing my daughter. She kept going to sleep, then waking up within a few minutes of being put down in her swing. She used to sleep three hours in her swing! And don’t even try to give me that “put her down drowsy but awake” bullshit. You should see how fast those drowsy eyes fly open.

I’m blocked in what I can do around the house. I want to clear out our junk room and turn it into a play room. Books need to be packed up. We have to move some furniture out. Junk needs to be thrown out or go to Goodwill, but my Hoarder Husband will insist that he “go through it,” so I’m just going to box it up and put it in the garage. Damn, I need boxes. There is a big closet in that room full of things that need organization, relocation, or eradication. Every day, I feel this task pressing on me, but I can’t do it alone. Odie works so hard during the week, I am loath to give him “projects” on the weekends, and we both need to play with and supervise our kids on weekends anyway, so where the hell is the time going to come from?

Blocked.

I know this sounds ridiculous to some of you. Keep in mind that we’ve only had two children for 11 weeks and we are still getting our feet under us. If you only have one child, or if you have no children, you are as in the dark as we were about how different it is to have two. I had a daughter, and I thought, “How hard could it be to have another?”

I can see how having a third would be less of an adjustment than going from one to two, because we already have no extra time, so how could we have less than no extra time?

But we are NOT having a third because nobody here wants that. Nobody.

Blocked as a writer because my creativity is sometimes stunted by the pressing concerns of my day-to-day hustle. How am I going to get Viva to eat vegetables ever? Will Pringles become one of those babies I have to hold during naps like her sister was? If I buy curtains, will the cats destroy them? Can I destroy the cats first? At least emotionally? Maybe post humiliating videos of them on YouTube? Like of puppies humping them? Where was I? Oh, yeah, the play room. How the heck am I going to get the play room cleaned out? Why does Viva’s diaper only leak when she climbs into our bed? The waterproof mattress pad is on HER bed (shopping list: king-sized waterproof mattress protector). How do I have eight sippy cups but only six lids? Where do the lids go? That guy won “Hell’s Kitchen”? THAT guy?!

Then I remind myself, I get to be home with Pringles until mid-January, and it’s still September. Sweet September. It’s time to be all Buddhist and shit and be here now. Is that even Buddhist? Maybe it’s more Eckhart Tolle (can you imagine what the relatives said when they found out she was naming her son “Eckhart”?) than Buddhist. Wait, is he Buddhist? I remember a story a friend told me of reading “The Power of Now” on an airplane and someone commented, “I want to read that, but I don’t have time,” and my friend replied. “How ’bout NOW?”

Nothing needs to get done today. I’m dreading something that is happening later today, but it’s stupid to let it ruin my whole day. I’m doing it anyway, knowing it’s stupid. Intellectually I understand that worrying about something that is going to happen later wastes “right now.” And that worrying changes nothing about the future. It makes us feel like we’re doing something, but forgetting about it and worrying about it have exactly the same effect: nothing. Only forgetting about it is actually fun.

Wish I could forget about this obligation I have to fulfill later today. It will turn out that the fear and loathing of the past two days will actually be worse than the 90 minutes the obligation requires. And the euphoric rush I will feel on minute 91 will be exhilarating.

Right now, there is absolutely nothing I have to do. There may be things I would like to do, or even should do. But nothing I must do. Well, one thing I have to do right now.

I had two cups of coffee.

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About Mrs Odie

Like you, only funnier.
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18 Responses to Blocked Channels

  1. Meghan2 says:

    I just went to a marriage retreat this past weekend and I will use some of what they tught me on you…lol….I am going to begin though by assuming you have given me the “talking stick”

    …Mrs. Odie, I hear that you feel overwhelmed and new to being a family of four. You do not want any solutions, you just want to vent and to be heard. You worry that Pringles will need to be held to sleep, forever, that cats will ruin your curtains and your upset about “THAT GUY.” I hear that you feel like there is more to do than time, in fact there is no time to do anything. I also hear the quasi-jew in you(I am jewish and poking fun at my own “group”) is worrying about later today even though you know the worry is not helpful to you. I also hear that you need to pee. Have I understood you correctly? **Hands the “talking stick” back to Mrs. Odie**

    well, I hope you get a small giggle out of that.

    Good luck on the later today obligation.

  2. Meghan2 says:

    UGH I need to reread and edit before I post…lol…shameful

  3. halliesklar says:

    Have you tried swaddling Pringles? It’s the only thing that really works for Geoffrey, and he just turned four months. Even when he goes in his swing or bouncy seat I swaddle him; it seems to really calm him down. Although he recently found his thumb so he started to mellow out. Once they find their thumb life is so much easier!
    I feel your pain! My second, Teddy, demanded I hold him every second of the day 24/7. Yet I still went on to have a third…

  4. heather says:

    mines only 8 weeks old, but i also wonder about these supposed babies who nap happily in a crib. i end up in a tank with the moby for a good portion of my day. mine also hates the car. and i’d love to destroy my cat. it’s only 10:30 and im delirious i apologize — but just know there is someone else who can’t do anything during “nap time” because nap time means i’m sitting completely still on the couch trying not to wake the baby.

  5. mamaneedsdietcoke says:

    Try swaddling her or letting her sleep on her tummy. 3 of my 5 were tummy sleepers and I let them do it so I did not go insane and throw them out the window! Hang in there!!!

    • Mrs Odie 2 says:

      She LOVES the swaddle. I dug the Kiddopotamus one out of storage and she is sleeping so well in it, so far! I swaddled her before too, but for some reason, this swaddler works better.

  6. JJ says:

    I know, I know, no advice… but… my youngest only napped in her swing with “ocean sounds” playing. She had to be swinging at full force and had to be tucked in tight with a blanket on top of her. Maybe try out some different nap places/sounds? My oldest SUCKED at napping. Mostly because of me and my inexperience, but still. It was awful. Also, I know that it’s easier said than done, but it could be the coffee causing her problems… maybe you could cut it out for a week or so (along with almost all other caffeine, too) and see if that helps. Just remember that these months go by very quickly and you will get into a routine that works for you, so don’t go crazy. Yet.

  7. Kristin says:

    I started reading your blog by searching something about KH a couple of months ago and haven’t stopped since. I’m also a high school English teacher and had a baby boy on June 24th. I can relate to so much of your last post. My baby isn’t a fan of the car seat or the stroller. I’ve also been trying to put him down in his crib for naps (already asleep) and that usually ends seconds later. I read your comments and thought I’d give the tummy thing another try today. He is also on hour two of his nap and typically they only last about 45 minutes. I might try swaddling again, too.

  8. Sarah says:

    Just catching up on your blog. I wish there was a way to be notified when there is a new post….does that exist? Anyhow, this is hilarious. I found 2 incredibly hard. double the fun, exponentially more work. In fact, I posted a FB survey about whether the jump from 0 to 1 was harder than 1 to 2 (which I found harder). I have also heard people say that 2 to 3 isn’t as bad. I had the same misconceptions about how hard can it really be? To be honest, it kicked my tail!!!! Also, I agree whole heartedly that those things people say are just awful. What perplexes me most is that they think they are saying it in a way that supports a loving God. Craziness. People just don’t think. Furthermore, I think it is really bad theology!

  9. Rosie says:

    No kids, no advice, except as an outside observer. I watched my two steps go from little kids into adults in what – – – TWO MINUTES???!!!
    The time goes by incredibly fast. “This too shall pass.”
    Even though I’m not a mom, the caffeine connection makes some sense…….
    Good luck, sweetie!
    I thought about you last week when I picked up a book by Josephine Tey. She was a popular mystery writer in England in the thirties/forties. Incredibly anti-semetic – I had to re-read several parts to believe what I had just read! It may be interesting fodder for a high-school English teacher.
    Hang in there with them babies……..

  10. Chris says:

    At this time last year, when my oldest was 4 months, I seriously thought I would never sleep again – or never be in fresh clothes or have a clean house – and I am thinking about getting pregnant again. (Remind me why?) And I try to tell myself that these weeks and months are kind of like childbirth – you vividly remember that it sucked, but the end result was worth it and you can’t (exactly) feel the burning, ripping pain anymore. I feel the same way about the first six months of babyhood – sucks while you are in it, but they turn around and somehow become one and then two and it doesn’t suck quite as hard (because everything is better when you can sleep). And if your house isn’t clean or organized? Screw it, it will get there one day.

  11. I’m with Chris on the screwing of the organized house. I have four girls, yes, four. I am completely insane, my oldest even thinks so. They are 14, 5, 3, and 1. Yes, the oldest does help out but she was an only child for so very long, she would really rather be reading a book or texting. Somewhat sleep deprived myself at the moment and I’m supposed to be grading papers! Just wait until they are too old to nap and they are awake all day long. I find myself fantasizing about them all off at college, really. Hope you get some relief.

  12. Lin says:

    Babies that nap happily are mythical creatures. I don’t drink coffee anymore (kill me now) but I did switch to green tea and it helped a lot! I still get my energy buzz and baby doesn’t fight me to the death on everything sleep. At night I do not let him sleep with us anymore. He is a reflux baby and he needs to sleep slightly propped up. I started making a routine out of the evenings. I make sure to give him lots of tummy time and play time on his mat to wear his little poop maker out and then I give him a bath (which pisses him off to no end) and massage his lotion on. By the time I get him fed he is out like a light and I don’t hear from him for 5 hours until his middle of the night feeding. Then he goes back down for 5 more hours. Now I need to figure out how to turn my brain off and put me on a sleep schedule. ha.

  13. Katrina says:

    It’s so hard! Those days when you can’t put the baby down because they CRY! Those days when the baby won’t nap and you have to hold him/her and you can’t get anything else done! I was one that always held my babies. I had to…or they would fuss and cry! But it’s kinda like what came first the chicken or the egg? because I’m wondering …. do my babies not let me put them down without crying BECAUSE I carry them around all day long? or do I carry them around all day long BECAUSE they cry when I put them down? Hmmmm. I’ve had nine. NINE babies. (no, not all at once) But I’ve had NINE chances to get a baby to nap in his/her crib. And I failed all nine times. Not only do I carry them around all day long…but I sleep with them, too. We love to co-sleep, me and my hubby. Call us crazy, but we just do. I have always found that I get a much better sleep when the newborn/infant/baby/toddler is right there next to me. They feel me, hear me, smell me all night long…and they sleep! Very soundly. And therefore so do we! The jump from 1 to 2 is a HARD jump. I remember it well. But the jump from 2 to 3 isn’t so bad…and the jump from 8 to 9 is a piece of cake 🙂

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