Adam Carolla doesn’t think I’m funny

A reporter asked Adam Carolla if he hated working with women writers on a comedy show and he replied “they make you hire a certain number of chicks, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.”

Women aren’t as funny as men. Excuse me “chicks” aren’t as funny as “dudes.” Men like Adam Carolla believe this because they probably subscribe to the point of view that vampires and humans shouldn’t co-exist because humans are food.

Let me explain.

There are two kinds of vampires. The kind that believe human beings are prey and should be treated as such, and their counterparts who see humans as friends, lovers, and employees. This is a source of much conflict among vampires. I’m sure you can imagine.

Similarly, many men feel that a woman is merely a vagina life-support system. The only reason to treat a woman like a person is to get to her vagina. A sense of humor is an effective tool for convincing a woman to share her vagina, especially for men who are ugly and/or poor.

I imagine that vampires with less charm and good looks fall back on the “why talk to a steak?” argument. Also, the ones with short, stubby fangs.

When you ask a woman what she looks for in a man, she will often say “a sense of humor.” She means that she wants to laugh. She wants to have a good time with her mate. Laughing feels wonderful. It bonds people.

Men often say the same thing, but they mean “I want a woman who thinks I’m funny.”

Men and women tend to laugh at different things. I used to date a man I’ll call Carl. One morning, I made omelets for Carl and me. When I sat down in the living room with my food, he was watching a movie called “Joe Dirt.” It was a scene with a septic tank exploding. Carl laughed until he was crying. I threw up on the coffee table. Then he laughed even harder.

The food is not supposed to be your friend, says the Vampire. (In the above example, it sure wasn’t). A woman, or rather a chick, is not supposed to use seduction tools made for men. Jokes make women have sex with you! It freaks some men out when women tell them.

Funny, powerful, rich, smart, successful.  These are adjectives describing a desirable man. Men like Carolla don’t want women to have qualities that get us in bed.

What qualities are we supposed to have? Sexy is generally the first thing a man wants in a sex partner. I’ve never heard a man say, “Man, she turns me on! She’s just so fucking FUNNY!”

The ability to make people laugh is power. Some men can’t handle powerful women. Or rather, powerful women won’t allow themselves to be handled. We’re supposed to be young, sexy playthings for men. When we grow old and/or fat, we’re supposed to go away.

Recently, a woman auditioned for “America’s Got Talent” and the clip went viral. It showed an overweight redhead pole dancing. People laughed at it and pronounced it disgusting and hilarious.

See? Women ARE funny!

When the fat ones attempt to be anything but a source of derision or a reminder to other women that they must be attractive above all else, they are fucking hilarious. What makes me even more furious is the show should be called “America Has Talent.”

Now is the part where you call me bitter because I’m fat and old.

I am most certainly fat. I haven’t lost the weight I gained when I got pregnant twice in the past four years. If I go by Jessica Simpson’s press, I should be fucking shot.

Simpson gained weight during her pregnancy (unlike classier pregnant women who win Oscars), and people lost their shit! How dare she? What was she thinking? She even talked openly about eating brownies instead of dieting and exercising. What a whore. Thank God she joined Weight Watchers because soon we’ll be able to like her again.

I’ve been in writers rooms on sitcoms and the women in the room were sometimes as funny as the men, funnier other times, and less funny still others. Like all funny people, women have good jokes and bad jokes. What bothers me is that women can’t just be funny. We also have to be pretty. Tina Fey got thin. Kristin Wiig has to be sexy when she’s out of costume. If you want an Oscar for writing, look like Diablo Cody. Reporters went crazy over Olivia Munn. “Can a woman be beautiful, sexy and smart too?” The headlines screamed in a panic. It’s like they’re afraid that as they’re masturbating over her picture, she’s thinking of a really snappy comeback.

I’m so glad Adam Carolla came out of the closet as a jerk. He complained about being held up to the standards of a school teacher when he’s a comedian, and how unfair that all is. Well, Adam, I’m just a woman, so I don’t know much about this “unfairness” you speak of. As a comedian, I think nothing is off-limits. What every comedian knows, however, is that we don’t get to decide what’s funny and what isn’t. The audience does.

And in your case, it has.


About Mrs Odie

Friendly Pedant; Humble Genius
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8 Responses to Adam Carolla doesn’t think I’m funny

  1. SY says:

    Yeah! Jackass just got served. Yet really, no big suprise, RE: the man show was part him, correct?

  2. Great post. I really loved Tina Fey’s book … except for the whole losing weight bit and only after losing weight did she make it in the industry. Um, double standards much?? At least half of the male comedians out there are overweight and they’re still rolling in the career gold.

  3. Cathy Cann says:

    Amen, amen and amen!

  4. This. Kicked. Ass. Thanks for writing!!

  5. Summer says:

    I felt sorry for Jessica that she gained so much. As a person that gained 70lbs with the first and 35 like I should have with the second I figured she would be sorry. My second pregnancy was by far easier during and after. But maybe she isn’t sorry. Maybe it is easier to tear down women with self control instead like men who tear down funny women? 😉

  6. I totally agree. I’m friends with a lot of funny people and the majority of them are women. I think women tend to be smart-funny and men just really enjoy dirty-humor. It’s a totally different ball game. I’ve dated guys who say they want a girl with a good sense of humor, but like you said, what they actually want is canned laughter. (At least this is what I tell myself when a guy I’m interested in isn’t interested in me. I must just be too funny for him.)

  7. Rosie says:

    You funny girl.

  8. Anon says:

    Jessica gained a shit ton of weight… so what? I did, and so do most women. I don’t know about the rest of pregnant women, but I felt hungry ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME! I’m glad she did whatever the hell she wanted and was just a normal pregnant person. I think all celebrities do is make us feel bad for not looking like toothpicks 10 days after a baby. Sorry, but I think women that look like Rachel Zoe are disgusting. My sister is obsessed with being skinny to the point I think it’s messing up her daughter. I should probably state that my sister also idolizes any Real Housewife from Anywhere. I went to visit and her 5 year old daughter looked at me and said skinny is healthy. I about died. I told her no, skinny isn’t healthy. Being fit is healthy and there is a difference. Then my sister went on to tell me later on in the trip that I needed a breast lift, needed to finally lose the baby wieght and I had postpartum depression. I don’t. She slept til 11 every day while I took care of her 2 kids on top of my 8 month old son. I was waking up at 6 every morning to three small children and getting no sleep because my son was nursing. I will NEVER “vacation” at my sister’s house again.
    Oh, and Adam Corolla is fucking tool. There is no other way to put it. I can’t stand him, never could.

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