blah blah blah

When I have many tasks to complete, I get easily overwhelmed and the result is often paralysis. At work, the balancing act of planning lessons, writing tests, ordering copies, answering emails, calling parents, and grading papers results in me up to my armpits in paperwork, bemused as to how it all piled up so quickly.

I hound my students to date and label everything, but inevitably I must waste time trying to figure out the origin and destination of errant papers. And of course, there are the late assignments, fluttering in to fuck with any sense of order I felt I had.

At home, the laundry and the dishes pile up. The baby is sitting in her high chair right now howling her head off to be let down. If I do so, she will come to my desk and pound on the computer keys. The only reason I have leave to be at my husband’s computer right now is that I took a sick day.

The baby was coughing all night and had a mild fever. It was probably borderline whether she could attend day care, but I chose to keep her home. We both needed a rest. I can’t say I feel rested, however.

I don’t want my blog to become “Reasons I don’t blog.”  I must admit, however, that I am in the weeds. I’m struggling against my depression as I feel overwhelmed by my roles. I don’t believe I’m doing any of them well enough: mother, wife, teacher, writer, friend, pet-owner, sister, daughter, housekeeper, cook, bookkeeper… All of my jobs loom unfinished or barely finished before me all the time. We’re struggling with money too, which adds a layer of stress to everything.

Ah, resorting to my old Bummer Girl superhero character.

At least the stifling heat has finally let us go. My girls are all ready for trick-or-treating next week. My grades are turned in, even though I had to leave off some assignments because I didn’t have time to grade them. I have a much better grip on what I have to do every day, just to stay afloat.

Okay, now Pringles is screaming instead of howling. Sigh. I have to handle that. Thanks for checking in. This, too, shall pass.

(which is one of those quotes famously attributed to someone who never said it).

About Mrs Odie

Friendly Pedant; Humble Genius
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13 Responses to blah blah blah

  1. Lisamarie says:

    Oh friend. I’m in the weeds this week too! I’m dying. My husband is a SoCal high school teacher. He and I work way more than we are happy to admit and we don’t even have kids yet! Yikes! My thoughts are with you, friend. You can do it! You have strength and dignity and will laugh at the days to come. (Or cry. Laugh or cry. Both are usually an appropriate response in my book.)

  2. Sara says:

    I am so impressed that you are able to write regularly at all. I gave up on trying after I realized that the combo of my business and raising C (oh, and keeping the house clean…which has also fallen by the wayside more and more) was keeping me deep in the weeds. Maybe part of motherhood is learning to do the best we can given all that we are doing, and letting go of what isn’t as important. There’s a lot of letting go!

  3. sangela71 says:

    I can fully relate to your feeling overwhelemed by your roles, as I feel the same. Since my sons were born 9 months ago, and particularly since I returned to work when they were 10 weeks old, I have felt that I am not-quite-good-enough at everything I do: motherhood, work, marriage, friendships, housekeeping, you name it.

    Don’t know what the solution is but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

  4. halliesklar says:

    The I’m-A-Crappy-Mother-Syndrome is universal. I often feel like a failure at all the roles I do…mom, wife, magazine writer, dog walker, volunteer coordinator, vacuumer and dirty diaper changer. If I lie on my couch for 45 minutes watching an old episode of Gossip Girl on Netflicks I am wracked with guilt. I should be organizing the playroom! Blogging! Reading the Economist! When in reality I have been up since 6 am and my brain is fried and I just need to stare at the TV and drool and veg.

    Just so you know, you seem like a terrific mom and I am sure you are a kick-ass teacher. Other people are looking at you in admiration wondering how you do it all. If it’s any consolation someone congratulated me yesterday about my impending pregnancy–and I had my last kid 17 months ago! Sometimes life just sucks.

  5. Julie says:

    Yeah, I stay home with my girls and I still feel like a failure on a daily basis. You’re very much not alone. I think it’s a normal mom thing. I have a lame-o family blog and I haven’t even been able to keep up with posting there. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how the “mom bloggers” have time to blog, let alone take and edit all those pictures! My house is cleanish and the laundry is doneish. And that’s good enough for this stage in life, I guess.

  6. Laura Kent says:

    I found your blog a few months ago and I am so glad. You are funny and real at the very same time and that is not so common on the internet (or maybe it is and it’s my own fault that I can’t stop reading Mormon mommy blogs which are neither but somehow fascinate me?). Anyway, I’m a work-outside-the-home mom and you make me feel better about my desire to keep working and the resulting fear and panic that I’m not doing anything well enough (let alone well).

    So thank you.

  7. Shelley says:

    No kid ever grew up and said I wish my parents cleaned the house more…. Just do what you can, when you can and let it go. Working and raising kids is hard enough, there is no extra time for the guilt. People used to visit me, especially the childless, and have to walk over toys, dropped food and the ever present laundry. Who cares? i don’t like judgemental people anyway.
    Cut yourself some slack. Your kids love you, your husband loves you and you have a really hard job. Oh well, everything else is not as important.
    My 2 boys are almost grown (20 and 17) but they remember the regular things we did more than the “special” things I orchestrated. Every year we have the “remember when Eric puked from smelling pumpkin guts?” Ha! Grown boys and that is what they remember from halloween.
    Let it go moms. As long as you love them enough not to kill them in the teen years, you have succeeded!

  8. Mrs J says:

    Have you told Mr Odie about how much you are struggling? I am pretty sure that the two of you can find some support from family or friends. You don’t have to do it all on your own, the people who matter and love you will be understanding and will help you.

  9. leslie says:

    I feel the same way as you!! And I’m checking everyday to see if you have posted. Love reading your blog. Keep it up, even if it’s just blah, blah, blah.

  10. Val says:

    My boy is 14, & yet I still feel overwhelmed by trying to be “SuperMom” (I’ve pretty much given up on any other superhero role)
    This too shall pass – that’s what I fear; I’ve already missed out on SO much.

  11. Summer says:

    You get to ORDER your copying????!!! Jealous!!

  12. Nik says:

    Sadly, I don’t think it ever ends. I am in law school, at a pretty respectable one to boot, and we my professor freaked out because people handed in papers without including their name and ripped out of notebooks (not on the nice perforated edge). We all got a lecture to grow up. She also once put student’s papers on the overhead (you could see their names) and commented on grammar and spelling mistakes….torture. Luckily I had aced the assignment so I wasn’t worried.

  13. Nik says:

    Also I realize I am terrible at grammar and had several mistakes in the above post. Please don’t taunt me lol 🙂

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