Editor’s note: Joan Rivers passed away since I wrote this. Her death was unexpected, premature, and avoidable. It frankly pisses me off. She will always be an idol of mine, and I’m sure that she is currently making God piss themself laughing.
I’m reading Joan Rivers’ book and it’s so inspiring. I am so tired of happy people and their unicorn bullshit I could puke. I especially hate how adorably funny Kelle Hampton thinks it is to take my criticism of the glitter queefs she calls “writing” and “totally rock it.”
I recently discussed with a friend about how I blog in fear. I have an audience of friends, family, and strangers, and I censor and edit myself because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I don’t want to bring upon myself Kelle Hampton’s hot-glue-gun-wielding happiness harpies, Nicole Marie Story’s non-barfing vegan objectivists who “shall” tear me a new one, or any of the other trolls. I’m not GOMI, and I don’t want to be, but we are cut from the same cloth.
Rivers doesn’t worry about the people who swallow the blue pill, and neither will I.
Joan Rivers knew that every joke has a victim. She reveled in it.
I chose the red pill. I’m a red pill choosing kind of gal. It’s a new year and I am ready to be the writer that I am. The person who wrote without tip-toeing around other people’s fucking pedicures.
Today is one of two days of vacation I have where my daughters Viva and Pringles are in daycare, and I don’t have to work, so this is just a quick note before Odie and I pop the leftover champagne from New Year’s Eve at two o’clock in the afternoon.
Tune in Mondays and Thursdays, when my blog will be new! That is my commitment to you. I shudder to click “publish” because this is a huge commitment. I’ve been the blog version of your fuck buddy for a few years now. The one you text after the other two don’t get back to you or have other plans. I’m ready for us to take it to the next level and start seeing each other for real.
To those of you who are new to me, welcome. For those of you catching up on my blog, welcome back. To those of you who read my blog because you hate me, you are in for a treat. I am going to give you everything you want and more.
Happy New Year!
The Friendly Pedant by Mrs. Odie 
Ohhhhh, this is gonna be FUN. 🙂 Can’t wait for you: uncensored.
My new blog heading:
Mrs. Odie
Shit just got real.
I love it! Fantastic!
Oh yeah!
So can you PLEASE write more about Toxic Best Friend now? It’s not like she’s going to read this!
Yes, I can!
So happy you are going to speak the truth as you see it. I found you when in a self hating moment after reading a Kelle post I thought I can’t be the only one who thinks this- anyway now you are to totally rock it.
I am glad that you are coming out of the closet. I look forward to being offended by you and promise to whine elsewhere when it happens.
I am so damn glad. Happy New Year. Looking forward to the rebirth.
Oh my, this sounds great!
To those of you who read my blog because you hate me, you are in for a treat. I am going to give you everything you want and more.
hahaha love that!!
glad you are back, let ‘er rip!!
Stellar.
First I hate-read/skim KH, then click over to you. Thank you for validating my thoughts so well!
Glad you’ll be posting more.
Please write more about the Glitter Shitter, aka Kelle Hampton, in the new year. Exposing this fake ass for who she is is always entertaining.
BTW, I feel for her sister Carin who spent Christmas alone while the disgusting Poppa and his boyfriend went to Kelle’s house so they could be the star attractions of the whore blog.
If I were the sister I would kick Poppa and sister Glitter Shitter to the curb for good.
http://www.papyrussmear.com/2012/12/on-community.html
Hurrah! Great news. Release the snark hounds!
“Blog version of your fuck buddy” – this is good shit right here. HA!! Looking forward to it, my dear.
Oh! And “glitter queefs” made me snort.
I have been WAITING for you to come back with a vengeance. And I don’t read because I hate, either – I read because I LOVE the way you write!
I’m strapped in and ready for the ride!
I’m excited about your changes! I’m always bummed when you don’t update, and am constantly checking. I love your red pill style. I’m the same, but way, way, too scared to write like that on my blog. I wish I could, but I’m too afraid to piss my readers and friends off. Why do I even care? And so I edit myself big time and just live vicariously through writers like you!
Yay!! I love your writing and I look forward to reading more!
Well I think I’ll just pack up my shit and move to your neighborhood!!
awesome!! love your writing voice and can’t wait to hear the uncensored version- unicorns don’t exist for a reason (maybe all the glitter poop was too constipating and they all exploded to death!). Also happy to hear that your plans for the new year include more of your awesome writing!
Great post. Your words resonated with me and apparently I am not alone in this feeling. I read KH and I love her, but I don’t relate to her. I blog and since I’m my only reader you would think I would be comfortable blogging my own truth-but I’m not. I blog politely. I’m proud of you-can’t wait to start my days with some warrior blood on my fingers. Just for you I will read your blogs first and then go to KH and others. I laughed so hard when you identified yourself as the blogger we go to after we check other blogs. I never meant to hurt your feelings. I was just satisying my slightly OCD-ish tendencies of law and order. Order. There is an order to reading blogs. No there is NOT! You are first for all of 2013. Good luck.
Fantastic! I look forward to reading more of your rants and opinions – they are always amusing.
Looking forward to reading more of you, Mrs. O. Can’t wait!!
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.”
I love your blog because I’m a fat, jealous hater.
Don’t forget, you are also hurting.
Borrowed from GOMI, thought it would make your day.
Do you guys read Mrs. Odie? She a great writer and KH snarker. I think Poppa and some rabid fans went after her a year or so ago.
Here’s her link if you want to read…she promises some good stuff this year! clap https://mrsodie2.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/i-hate-everyone-starting-with-joan-rivers/
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I LOVE Mrs. Odie, a total SOMI for me (her husband’s guest post on the pros and cons of getting a vasectomy was hysterically funny).
omg I don’t know which I loved more, your post, or the comments following! You rock!!
Love your blog and the attitude with which you share your views. Screw the haters. I’m here to stay.
Oh. My. God. I seriously thought I was one of the token *few* who has a serious love/hate feeling for KH’s blog. It’s like, her fake life makes me feel like s#it…I know it’s fake…but yet I can’t seem to not check it out whenever she posts. Then I feel s#itty all over again. It’s like a masochistic s#it-rut I’m stuck in. After the bruhaha over pointshootclick’s comment in the last few days, I came across the hilarious GOMI thread and I’ve been laughing ever since. From there, I found you…and Mrs. Odie, you’re my newest blog acquisition.
Bring on the fake glitter expose. We’re dying for it!!!
I love reading your well-written, funny, truthful blog!
Looking forward to it!
I’ll be depending upon your blog more than ever for a welcome dose of reality – my long-simmering suspicion that Ex reads MY blog was confirmed last month, so I took it private until I salvage what I want for my “archives”… Heh heh, that sounds so much more pretentious than it is – I hate to zap into oblivion something I’ve tinkered w/for almost 9 yrs, but OTOH I can’t afford for Ex to selectively misquote me when we go back to court next month (for Good Lord I Pray the Last Time) to settle backlogged child support issues once & for all…