Kim Kardashian announced this week she is 12 weeks pregnant with Kanye West’s child. The Mayan prediction for the end of the world may have been about 6 months too early. Kim Kardashian is the most Googled female celebrity, and probably not because people are interested in her philanthropy. More likely, they want to see pictures of her boots (only Armenians will get that joke). I guess she and Kanye were making love and Kim said, “Kanye, I’ma let you finish.”
Why am I talking about Kim Kardashian? Two reasons. First, I am taking a page out of the Kris Jenner pimp mama playbook (with forward by Dina Lohan) and using SEO tricks to up my page views. The past five months, I’ve been unable to keep up with my writing commitment. I went back to work as a high school English teacher while parenting two children under four and trying to give my husband enough attention to keep him from Jon Dooce Armstronging me. Although, since we’re talking in celebrity gossip shorthand, I’m more worried he’ll Eddie Cibrian me. But that’s a whole other post.
My favorite celebrity gossip site, D-Listed, refers to Kim’s mother Kris as “Pimp Mama Kris” and I have often expressed the view that Kardashian is the best paid whore of all time. Her sex tape made her a worldwide celebrity and everyone in her family into millionaires.
Has anyone in history been more well compensated for sex? I think not. Kris Jenner is hardly the first woman in history to sell her daughter into sex slavery, sadly. As her manager, she takes a far smaller percentage than a pimp, but I still think that Michael K’s moniker fits.
Kanye West is famous in his own right, and though I couldn’t name a single song of his, I’m hardly the arbiter of hip-hop fame. Said fame does not even come close to Kim’s. Which brings me to reason number two that I’m writing about these irrelevant millionaires.
A friend of mine recently noticed that she knows very few women whose husbands/partners support them. She isn’t even talking about a fifty/fifty partnership where husband and wife contribute equally. In fact, she admitted that of all her friends, I was the only one whose husband had a job where he made as much if not more than his wife.
Chatting with other moms at the inevitable weekend children’s birthday party, I discovered that the gorgeous, tall, thin and pregnant mom I sat across from was frustrated that she was the sole breadwinner in the family. She didn’t say so, but as we did what all grown-ups do and made polite conversation in which we confess our occupations, I sensed from her tone and eye rolls that she doesn’t feel her husband is working as hard as he could be for their growing family.
As a high school teacher, every day (well, five days a week) I see smart girls and boys (mostly the former) behaving friendly toward boys who are in the principal’s office every other period and suspended at least once a week. They hug these boys. They give them their homework to copy. The girls flirt with them. Is this how it begins? I have known sixteen year-old juniors in high school with no chance of graduating because they have failed so many classes, but they have girlfriends. Not only do they have them, but they’re cheating on them with an assortment of girls waiting in line for the job.
We refer to this phenomenon as “K-Fedding,” in reference to Mr. Britney Spears. K-Fedders of the blogosphere include Jon Armstrong, Brett (Brent? I never can remember) Hampton, and possibly many others I don’t know about. Does Pioneer Woman’s husband work? I remember reading some criticism of a site called something like “McMomma” where the snarkers believed the writer was being abused by her husband but it was bringing her closer to Christ. Not sure if it was bringing him closer to a paycheck.
I used to listen to a radio shock jock who regularly claimed that “A man will marry the hottest woman he can afford, and a woman will marry the richest man she can attract.” What does it say about me that I married a high school math teacher when we were both 35? I think thirty year-old me might have been able to marry a math professor. Twenty-three year-old me could have had the head of the department.
Men are turning this stereotype on its ear and marrying the richest women they can attract, or at least the hardest working women with the most potential to support them. I think women are programmed to think of every love affair as a forever and ever amen kind of love. We get wiser as we get older, and some women wake up at thirty-five and realized they made a husband out of what should have been a weekender in Vegas. Well, that’s why God invented divorce. Right, Heather Dooce Hamilton?
The Friendly Pedant by Mrs. Odie 
I have to copy edit this post, so cut me un peu de slack. I promised to publish today and so I published a draft. I’ll polish it tomorrow, but I decided I’d rather keep my promise than try to be perfect.
OMG am I glad to find your blog! Clever, well-written, and true. I am a big fan of teachers. (Well, I hated most of mine, but when I grew up and had kids, I LOVED their hard-working teachers;) I was a school psychologist for many years so I saw how undervalued and underpaid teachers were. I hope you get a shit load of page views from your KK reference. Is it bad that I understood every pop culture reference in your blog?!
I love that you kept your promise, and I love reading your blog! Looking forward to lots more of it!
“what she said…” to all of the above comments!
I hate KK and I hate Kanye, they belong together. Kris Jenner is worthless too. Interesting observations about the lazy husbands. I’ve been asking around about what Brett Hampton does for work and no one ever answers the question. Almost every picture we see of him he wears a striped shirt, beige cargo shorts and flip flops. Always casual with nowhere to go. Is Kelle really paying the child support for his kids? Weird.
“Does Pioneer Woman’s husband work? ”
Yes. Fourth-generation cattle rancher, and well-off on his own.
Mmmm. Family money is the best kind.
I was going to respond with the same info. I’d love to be in PW’s shoes / boots. She’s got a manly husband who wears chaps. Then again, I’d hate to have her laundry problems.
Damn, girl! This is spot on. Also, you answered some more Dooce questions I had brewing.
Thanks!
Just found your blog yesterday and I really enjoy your wit and writing. Can’t wait to read more!
I’ve been mia for quite a while but haven’t forgotten you Oriel! Glad to see you are still plugging away here and funny as ever. I had forgotten k fedding! Didn’t Brent used to make more than KH? Is he their Manny now? Well, guess the dad can’t be the manny, but, you know. Oh i just saw autocorrect changed Odie to oriel. Keep up he good work oriel.
KK may have more fame & money than Kanye, but I think she went after him hoping that his legit talent and quality will rub off on her. I’m not sure what he’s doing w/ her. I’m no Kanye fan but I bet his mother is rolling over in her grave.
Interesting post. Have you read “The End of Men” by Hanna Rosin? I think your post aligns with her thesis. I wonder how much of this phenomenon is more of a reflection on men becoming OK with not being the breadwinner any longer and changing their roles VS a conscious decision to let women support them. And what does it say about modern women when we’re irritated by the role reversal?
I know that among some women, the frustration is not the role reversal. That would mean their partners are cleaning, shopping, caring for children, writing thank you cards, planning and shopping for meals, going to doctor appointments with the kids, and all of the other things stay-at-home moms do. But too many women I know are doing all of the above and bringing home the paycheck too.
Yes,I have noticed this too. Women are doing everything it seems and the weight is crushing. I have a fantastic husband who does way more than most, yet I’m the one who has to suspend operations when the kiddo is sick, still clean the house for a guest and then stay up late to make up lost time. He’ll help me clean the house at least.
“…their partners are cleaning, shopping, caring for children, writing thank you cards, planning and shopping for meals, going to doctor appointments with the kids, and all of the other things stay-at-home moms do.”
Although I shouldn’t complain (but what better place???), I was gravely disappointed when H2 revealed himself to be almost-a-total-flop as a SAHH. The man could walk by a pile of laundry that needed to be folded for DAYS on end… Then again he probably got sick & tired of me waxing poetic about the sound of a man vacuuming being an aphrodisiac (he DOES vacuum occasionally) when I hardly ever followed through on that 😉
P.S. I had to Google Eddie Cibrian
Love D-Listed!!! It is one of the few sites that makes me laugh every time I read it!
I am waiting for a post by him entitled…Pimp Mama Kelle. I have no doubt Pimp Mama Kris is the glitter queen’s idol and if D-Listed picked up on Hampton I would have no doubt he would have a blast writing about her pimping out her girls on that blog.
You are such a good writer! What are you like IRL, I wonder?
I love your blog. Keep it up.
“Best paid whore of all time”…loved it.
You go, girl! Sorry, just following up on the threat you tweeted. 😉 I don’t keep up with the fancy and famous, but I know who Kanye is because he was supposed to perform a concert at the University my husband taught at years ago, but canceled LAST MINUTE when he found out it was an ‘outside venue.’ I’m not sure how he ever thought a college football stadium might be an inside venue, but more so, I thought ‘WHAT A GIANT DOUCHE BAG.’ And so, I have never liked him even though I couldn’t tell you one song he sings/raps/whatever he does.
Kelle Hampton is all about the sex politics. Unfortunately, it’s pedophilia. She loves the attention she gets of putting nude photos on the internet of her children. It’s disgusting.
Can I have a ride in Jon and Brett’s employment clown car? Seriously, Brett doesn’t work? I always thought he was some executive somewhere and she didn’t blog about it. She must be so proud. Her latest blog title FROM 2 to 3, should of been K-FED -MY VAGINA HURTS.