Kim Kardashian announced this week she is 12 weeks pregnant with Kanye West’s child. The Mayan prediction for the end of the world may have been about 6 months too early. Kim Kardashian is the most Googled female celebrity, and probably not because people are interested in her philanthropy. More likely, they want to see pictures of her boots (only Armenians will get that joke). I guess she and Kanye were making love and Kim said, “Kanye, I’ma let you finish.”
Why am I talking about Kim Kardashian? Two reasons. First, I am taking a page out of the Kris Jenner pimp mama playbook (with forward by Dina Lohan) and using SEO tricks to up my page views. The past five months, I’ve been unable to keep up with my writing commitment. I went back to work as a high school English teacher while parenting two children under four and trying to give my husband enough attention to keep him from Jon Dooce Armstronging me. Although, since we’re talking in celebrity gossip shorthand, I’m more worried he’ll Eddie Cibrian me. But that’s a whole other post.
My favorite celebrity gossip site, D-Listed, refers to Kim’s mother Kris as “Pimp Mama Kris” and I have often expressed the view that Kardashian is the best paid whore of all time. Her sex tape made her a worldwide celebrity and everyone in her family into millionaires.
Has anyone in history been more well compensated for sex? I think not. Kris Jenner is hardly the first woman in history to sell her daughter into sex slavery, sadly. As her manager, she takes a far smaller percentage than a pimp, but I still think that Michael K’s moniker fits.
Kanye West is famous in his own right, and though I couldn’t name a single song of his, I’m hardly the arbiter of hip-hop fame. Said fame does not even come close to Kim’s. Which brings me to reason number two that I’m writing about these irrelevant millionaires.
A friend of mine recently noticed that she knows very few women whose husbands/partners support them. She isn’t even talking about a fifty/fifty partnership where husband and wife contribute equally. In fact, she admitted that of all her friends, I was the only one whose husband had a job where he made as much if not more than his wife.
Chatting with other moms at the inevitable weekend children’s birthday party, I discovered that the gorgeous, tall, thin and pregnant mom I sat across from was frustrated that she was the sole breadwinner in the family. She didn’t say so, but as we did what all grown-ups do and made polite conversation in which we confess our occupations, I sensed from her tone and eye rolls that she doesn’t feel her husband is working as hard as he could be for their growing family.
As a high school teacher, every day (well, five days a week) I see smart girls and boys (mostly the former) behaving friendly toward boys who are in the principal’s office every other period and suspended at least once a week. They hug these boys. They give them their homework to copy. The girls flirt with them. Is this how it begins? I have known sixteen year-old juniors in high school with no chance of graduating because they have failed so many classes, but they have girlfriends. Not only do they have them, but they’re cheating on them with an assortment of girls waiting in line for the job.
We refer to this phenomenon as “K-Fedding,” in reference to Mr. Britney Spears. K-Fedders of the blogosphere include Jon Armstrong, Brett (Brent? I never can remember) Hampton, and possibly many others I don’t know about. Does Pioneer Woman’s husband work? I remember reading some criticism of a site called something like “McMomma” where the snarkers believed the writer was being abused by her husband but it was bringing her closer to Christ. Not sure if it was bringing him closer to a paycheck.
I used to listen to a radio shock jock who regularly claimed that “A man will marry the hottest woman he can afford, and a woman will marry the richest man she can attract.” What does it say about me that I married a high school math teacher when we were both 35? I think thirty year-old me might have been able to marry a math professor. Twenty-three year-old me could have had the head of the department.
Men are turning this stereotype on its ear and marrying the richest women they can attract, or at least the hardest working women with the most potential to support them. I think women are programmed to think of every love affair as a forever and ever amen kind of love. We get wiser as we get older, and some women wake up at thirty-five and realized they made a husband out of what should have been a weekender in Vegas. Well, that’s why God invented divorce. Right, Heather Dooce Hamilton?