That is what Toxic Best Friend would say whenever someone left the room. What is it about drama and bitch fights that some of us find so entertaining? I know, some are above it and have no problem telling me. They’re usually the same type who delight in telling everyone, “I don’t own a TV.” Here in the blog world, bitch fights get page views and drama sells. From Dooce and The Bloggess’ (allegedly) staged confrontation at a conference to critical comments on Kelle Hampton’s Instagram, conflict keeps us entertained.
Now I see that Getoffmyinternets.net (GOMI) is perhaps closing down. What I could gather from the forums is that someone with power has complained that GOMI is a cyber-bullying site and persuaded the advertisers to pull their ads forever.
I have often heard or read some version of “Women need to stick together, not tear each other down.”
Maybe Kelle Hampton thinks criticism of her blog is the equivalent of someone saying “You are crap,” but her believing that doesn’t make it true. As a writer, I write successful pieces and unsuccessful pieces. Sometimes I am surprised by what people do or do not respond to. None of my writing is me. It is what I have created. It is not who I am.
Unlike Hampton and others, I don’t put photos of myself, my children, and my home here. I am not a product. I put words and phrases together into sentences and paragraphs in a way that I hope makes people smile, laugh, and think. And if not, oh well. I’ll try again.
Perhaps that is why KHizzle gets so butthurt when anyone says “Boo” about her. In a recent post on her blog, she declared herself “brave” and decided that anyone who says something hurtful is hurting. The comments section filled up quickly with sweet, tender kisses on her butthole, agreeing that people who don’t like her product are jealous and “hurting” people. Those same people who don’t want tender little Kelle reviewed and critiqued do not hesitate to put all critics into a category, recognizing no nuances therein.
But why is it so popular? Shows like “The Real Housewives of Insert City Name Here” are at their best when people are throwing shade, flipping tables, and declaring each other PROSTITUTION WHORES! I watched the latest episode of my fave, “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” to witness the latest manufactured gathering of these so-called friends and count down to the inevitable “Shame on ME? Shame on YOU!” confrontation. It’s all so delicious to me.
I did a touch of research by typing “Why do we love gossip?” into a search engine. I love to pause after the word “love” and see what the engine predicts I’ll write. “Why do we love dogs?” was first, followed by “Why do we love the dogs we do,” and coming in at a surprising third: “Why do we love Merlin?”
It turns out that gossip isn’t always bad. You assume when I say “gossip” I mean shit-talking, but according to Dr. McSmartypants, Ph.D, gossip is any kind of social conversation centered around people who aren’t present. I could be saying, “Did you hear? Kate’s cinnamon rolls are outstanding.” “Have you heard the news? Mr. Lund got 14 fives on the AP exam!” “Remember that teacher, Mary McClure? She’s a Quaker!”
Admittedly, none of those tidbits hold a candle to, “Did you hear Lizzie has herpes?” but they’re all still technically gossip.
I don’t see Get Off My Internets as Cyber bullying. It’s gossip, and it’s fun. If you’re brave enough to jump into the forums and defend the latest target, you may not come away unscathed, but that’s no reason to shut them down. You have to go to the site and read the shit they’re saying about you in order to get hurt by it. Nobody is bringing it to you. As far as I’m concerned, bloggers who put their real names on their blogs and post photographs of themselves and talk about their lives are public figures. Even more, they are personas, not real people. I’ll bet Heather Hamilton Armstrong Hamilton looks a LOT like that Dooce chick, but they aren’t the same person. One of the truest phrases ever written goes like this: “Everything I’m going to write is true, but the result will be fiction.” I wish I could remember where I read it so I could properly attribute it. Jenny Lawson isn’t really The Bloggess, but she plays her on the internet.
Me? I’m very like Mrs. Odie. But when people tell me my blog is shit, I don’t interpret that as “I’m shit,” nor do I take that to heart. I’m not shit, and no stranger on the internet will be able to convince me otherwise. If she could, I’d have way bigger problems than an unpopular blog article. Yet somewhere out there is a person who took GOMI’s satirical butt reaming so personally, and felt it so cruelly, she decided to go after the site and get it shut down.
“No one says that shit about me and gets away with it. No one,” snarled the narcissist to herself. She will not only disallow them to talk meanly about her behind her back, she will burn their clubhouse down. She probably feels self-righteous about it too. It’s wrong to gossip about people. In a way, she’s saving them from themselves and making the world a better place. It’s probably more than one person. I wonder if they’re working in concert to take away the writers’ income. I think it sucks. I channel Brandi Glanville and shriek across afternoon tea, “NO, shame on YOU!”
Smile. Watch her leave. One, two, three…