This post originally appeared in 2011. Yeah, yeah, I know, “Lazy, much, Mrs. O? I’ve been at an AP conference for 8 hours a day since Monday, so give me a break. Please to enjoy.
When I was in high school, all the cool/popular/wealthy kids took Latin as their second language. I don’t think it was because of an inherent love of antiquity so much as it was about Latin Convention.
In the spring, all the Latin students went to Latin Convention where they dressed in togas, played games and competed in smart people shit. They got to stay overnight away from their parents, meet kids from schools all over the country, and stay in a hotel – which I’m sure was the real appeal. I’m not sure if crowns of laurel were mandatory.
I didn’t take Latin. I took French. I am a francophile and have been since my tweens. It’s a beautiful language and unlike SOME languages, it isn’t dead (side-eye, Latin).
The popular/cool/wealthy kids talked about Latin Convention all year. When they got back, they passed their photos to each other surreptitiously during class (this was before the Facebook era, when “sharing” a picture meant handing a piece of photo paper with an image on it to someone). Many times, I had to pass shots of frolicking classmates from one to another while my teacher was looking away. All the while, I felt left out and missing out. The yearbook had pages of pictures of all the best and brightest (and coolest and most aloof) making lifetime memories at this weekend-long event. When I signed yearbooks, I inevitably viewed others’ scrawls wherein they wrote about their “awesome time at Latin Convention.”
I was never part of the crowd.
This weekend, in San Diego, which is a mere 90 minute drive from where I live, there is a “Blog Her” conference and I am not there. Everyone who’s anyone on the internet (who can afford it) is there. It’s kind of like Latin Convention all over again. I feel like I’m not “one of them.” I’m nobody. I don’t exist on the blogsphere and I will always be a discontented high school teacher, squinting at bad essays, dreaming of being a writer. Out there, the cool kids, the successful talented kids are all together having a good time. I’m supervising the tree trimming through the window while I walk my six week-old around the house and beg my two year-old to take her nap. Maybe I’ll pick up some clippings and make myself a crown of laurel.
Yet, earlier this week I was reading a blog I follow and became annoyed at the “woe is I” envy of the writer for a more popular blogger. Projection, I guess. Because envy is what I feel right now.
Maybe this year just isn’t my year. Yeah, I’ll go with that.
The Friendly Pedant by Mrs. Odie 
“I feel like I’m not “one of them.” I’m nobody. I don’t exist on the blogsphere …” Yep, I feel that way, too. And I admit it, I sometimes feel envious of the Big Bloggers. What the fuck do they have that I don’t have? I mean, this IS a popularity contest, am I right?
I’m dying to know where you live. Because it’s gotta be close to where Miguel and I live.
You live in Fullerton, so it isn’t far. I’ll give you a hint: “Ohmygawd! Like, I’m, like, totally from California, duuuuude! Fer sure!”
Hmm. I’m guess a beach city . . . maybe Huntington? But really, your hint could be from a hundred different towns around here.
Good point. But was that true when we were kids and Moon Unit Zappa’s song came out?
So the Valley, then.
God, I loved that song. Like, totally.
Well, crud. I commented, but it looks like WordPress may have eaten it. If you see it, feel free to delete it.
Ah, AP. I hope you are learning riveting content. What’s new in the world of AP? And I also love that you used “woe is I” instead of “woe is me.” LOL.
BlogHer. Yeah. A year or so ago, I kind of wanted to go, but I’m over it. I have friends there, and I’m just like why? I went to a women’s college. I hated the sorority aspect. Why would I pay more money to repeat that? I submitted to VOTY and felt like shit when my posts (again) weren’t selected and then I reality checked myself. I’m not cool. I’ve never been cool and will never be cool, and that’s OK because that conf is not my idea of cool.
BTW, I took French as well and am a francophile myself. In college, I had to take Old English as part of my teaching requirements. Loved it. At least it evolved into Middle and then Modern English unlike Latin 😉
Funny. I got an email this morning about the Blog her conference. Deleted it!
You’re singing my song and you know all the verses. I’ve been blogging (in some form or fashion) since 2005. Eight years later I still feel “late to the party”. You know, this is going to sound like sour grapes, but here goes: Some of those popular bloggers aren’t even all that good at what they do. There. I said it. What happened is that many of them just got there first and then claimed squatter’s rights. They stumbled onto the blogging thing while the rest of us were doing something else and then someone threw a party which turned into a popular girls’ “circle jerk” and they all figured out they could maintain dominance by just establishing themselves as the arbiters of good writing. It’s a big game of King of the Mountain”.
Sure, some can write and they hold my interest a bit. But Dooce is like the Oprah of the internets (and that’s not a compliment) and there’s really nothing you can do about her. Pioneer Woman can’t really write, but her blog is so busy with pictures and recipes (And she staked out the whole Holy Homeschoolers territory, so they act as her defacto Secret Service. Meaning if you leave a negative comment they will start sending you hate messages and invoke the Lord to smite you) that you can’t really tell that there’s no quality writing to sink your teeth into, yet her comment load is nothing short of obscene. If I see one more pictures of a cow’s ass against a sunset, I will run amok.
These people (and others) can afford to write whatever they want about whatever they want. Some have been fired for blogging and now have the last laugh because they probably make five times their previous income. You and I? Cannot. We are school teachers and can’t afford to lose our jobs by openly blogging about how shitty a parent acted or even about how much wine we drank the night before. We can only tell the truth by hiding who we are. Back when I wrote for the newspaper my editor taught me that it was okay to have one anonymous source for an article as long as you could openly quote three other people who were saying basically the same thing. Unless you’re Honest Toddler (recently unmasked), blogging anonymously gets you precisely nowhere.
Sure, I wish I could earn money for what I write about, but the real money comes when you can afford to write balls to the wall about bowel movements (I’m looking at you, Dooce) or divorce…but also have the convenience of a personal mafia of sycophants who are there to fend off the haters and rig the voting machine so that you you get Blog of the Year every year until it becomes rote.
Blogging keeps me from going on a shooting spree, but that’s not a good enough reason to get an invitation to BlogHer or even someone to share a hotel room if I could afford it. So I won’t go either. I doubt I’ll be missed. Sorry this is so damn long.
I’m going to have to initiate a comment policy where no one who writes better than I gets to comment. You’d be banned.
This is such a cogent, insightful, and painful comment.
It’s long but so well written- as good as Mrs.Odie’s writing.
I am new to blogging, not even a year and while my primary goal for starting a blog was not making money or being popular I feel pressure to compete.
I use my real name but I can never write openly about my feelings, my marriage etc. I feel naked already. My main intention was to give my real life potential and current clients a chance to know me better. And I want to keep it that way.
For the sake of becoming popular people lose all shame and morals putting their dirty underwear out there…Not my cup of tea. I don’t read those blogs. Sometimes I feel they even hire people to write content for their oh so popular blogs.
Hey, I just had to throw my two cents in here because…..I’m not cool either and I’m a-ok with it! I spent a ton of time in my earlier years trying to be or wishing I could be or wondering why I wanted to be, and it feels really really good to say, at the age of 37, that I don’t give a flying shit anymore.
This is funny. I’m convinced blog land is for girls who were losers in high school. (That’s a hasty generalization, but still my general opinion.) and I’m equally convinced you are a teacher in the same district in which my husband taught up until very recently. And last night, as I was leaving the house of my best friend who doesn’t even understand the concept of blogs, said friend started raving about a new pioneer woman cooking show she likes. I threw up in my mouth a little.
I wasn’t a “loser” in high school, but I wasn’t a “winner” either. I had friends and boyfriends, and plenty of bitches hated me, so I guess that puts me about in the middle.
BlogWHO? 😉 I have a feeling that the losers are saving their money and hanging out in their basements with cats and a cask of Franzia, and that it’s a heck of a lot more fun there.
I’ve always been on the loser team throughout school, so as an adult I guess I’m just reverting to type.
I’ve asked our MS principal if I can teach a Latin/Greek roots elective course in the spring. He’s on board, and I am geekily excited. But I’m not wearing a toga.
You say that now.
It’s funny how I’m always reading from those who DON’T attend BlogHer, about how lame it is. Sorta makes me want to go and see for myself. Maybe us “not so cool bloggers” should have our own conference? Somewhere really cheap, maybe at someone’s house or someone’s basement….No?
I love this idea. The “Blog NOT Her” Convention. But I want a swanky hotel. Like a Holiday Inn Express.