Yesterday, I had so much time before the AP exams. Yesterday, I had months of time. Today, I have minutes. I’ve taught my students nothing. They’ve learned nothing. It’s all been a huge waste. I could have used this time wisely. I could have been better than ever, if only.
If only.
The worst two words in my interior monologue.
Visiting college friends last weekend, I easily fell into envy. My daughters referred to our hosts’ large home as “the hotel.” If only I’d made different choices with my education, my money, my time.
Odie is worse than I. These are his classmates, not mine. It feels like the success and prosperity they grabbed was within his reach. His proximity to them, and all.
“Are they really happy?” My coworker asked.
“Not any more or less than the average person, I guess.”
“Then the money doesn’t help. All you need is love. Health, your children, your family. That’s what life’s all about.”
Yes, that’s the philosophical argument. Money can’t buy happiness or love or health. Thing is, when you have a bunch of money, you can buy happiness. I hate cleaning my house and doing laundry. I could pay people to do those things. Boom. Money just bought happiness.
It also buys top tier health care, preventative medicine, fitness equipment, personal training, and Botox. It buys you advantages for your children. The best schools, nutritious food, a nontoxic environment.
Our wealthy friends do enjoy good health. They have darling children. They live close to family. They also have three boats.
In her 1997 Chicago Tribune column, Mary Schmich wrote, “Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.” Maybe I’m a better AP teacher than I was last year. I know I kept my commitment to spinning. My favorite instructor just recently had me pick the music for the class on my one-year anniversary of spinning.
I’ve recently had a birthday. Don’t the years just go by in a sneeze? The kind that you almost lose, but then, right when you think you’re not going to sneeze, it comes back and surprises you.
Surprise! Bless you. And also, you peed.
The Friendly Pedant by Mrs. Odie 
I love your blog… we think so much alike
One of my former friends would tell you that jealousy is what destroyed our relationship – and yes, while I freely admit to some degree of jealousy over her extravagant lifestyle, I wouldn’t want to keep up w/a 7500 sq ft home – 7 BR, 5 bathrooms, seriously?!? Nor would I want to live in a gated community…
It really came down to irreconcilable differences – while K was “movin’ on up”, I was happy bobbing along at my same ol’ socioeconomic stratum.
& oh yeah, unfortunately I’m intimately familiar w/that incompetent-bladder-sphincter sensation 😉
I often wonder, too often really, if wealthy people are happy than I am. I find myself wondering all the time if others have problems…issues…hardships…or if its only me….I really want to stop thinking this way but I cant seem make myself stop. Your writing brings me to tears. Truly.
Thank you, Rose. I appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment. I think that we all have issues and hardships, no matter what our financial situation. I once read (can’t find it now) that poor people are happier than rich people because they still have hope that money could help. It’s a good lesson for us all. Thanks again.
I have a housecleaner that charges a nominal fee for coming every now and then. I have access to top tier healthcare (I pay dearly for it). It’s at the point of not being affordable anymore but I still pay it (so, priorities). I choose to feed my kid frozen pizzas but could certainly afford healthier food if I got my act together more often. I mean pair it with a salad and it’s instantly healthy right? Lots of public parks for physical fitness for the kids and you can do a lot in your own home from youtube. We pay for some of our exercise though out of love. I love public schools. It’s fine. My kids are learning. I don’t think it means I don’t aspire to much. I’m wealthy! It’s all relative.
A Facebook friend posted a Bernie calculator to see how much she would be paying in taxes, appalled of course, and she considers herself ‘far from wealthy’. Except, her family just got back from a trip to France and Italy, her children attend private schools, she lives in an upscale neighborhood, and she doesn’t work outside the home. I’m not judging, it just depends on who you ask I guess.
Anyway, the “small stuff” is meaningful. Spin class, improvements in teaching, etc. I’m where you’re at looking at my accomplishments the same way. To some, you might not see it on the outside but who cares.
I also miss being able to see my comment before you approve it. Did a setting change?
I didn’t change any of my settings. I will look at it, though. I can change it if I notice anything.