Mrs. Odie is not my real name. I write anonymously for one reason: I am a public high school teacher. Okay, four reasons: my job, my husband, and my two daughters. They deserve to remain anonymous.
“Viva” is the pseudonym of my firstborn, six (as in “viva la difference” which is what we nervously mutter when things get weird), and “Pringles” is my youngest, born in June 2011. When I was pregnant with her, I posted on my Facebook status: “I just ate my fetus’s body weight in Pringles,” and my clever friend Trixiebelle quipped “That’s what you should name her!” The nickname stuck and to this day Trixie has a hard time not calling her Pringles.
My husband Odie is also a teacher. He is gorgeous, tall, nerdy, and socially anxious. The whole package.
Why am I “Mrs. Odie” but he’s just “Odie” and not “Mr. Odie”? In Die Hard, the main character is called “McClane” yet his long-suffering wife is “Mrs. McClane.” Same exact thing. Especially the barefoot on glass scene.
I come from a family of girls who produce girls. I have four sisters, two daughters, and three nieces. The only way you can get into this family as a man is to marry in. (Editor’s note: since I originally published this, my stepsister gave birth to a healthy boy!)
I’m an Aries, a vegetarian (90% of the time, the other 10% I eat Filet-O-Fish sandwiches and hate myself), and the ambivalent owner of two cats and a dog.
Our old dog recently went deaf, officially making her the happiest creature in the household. We are currently mourning our dog. We had to eat ramen and go without booze for a month, but we paid the big bucks to have a vet come to our home (our old girl was terrified of the car) and end her life painlessly and peacefully. Miss my dog.
Writing is my dream job. It is my passion. Like most people, though, I don’t have my dream job. I have my real job, which is teaching high school English. I spend so much time grading papers, I don’t always post as frequently as I’d like, but I promise I won’t quit.
When I am not writing, I am planning my next piece. Writing and being read is me, living my dream. Welcome to my dream! If you read something here that makes you smile, think, cringe, relate, or spell-check an email, please consider sharing it with your friends and/or sworn enemies. Because fuck them.
We use the Oxford comma here.
This blog is about my life and my commentary on life. It is honest, irreverent, and hopefully funny. Thank you for reading. I am currently working on some pieces to self publish on the Kindle platform. When they are done, I will sell them for cheap. I am playing around with some short stories, serialized as well as some memoir-based writing that is more “Mrs. Odie origin stories.” I will keep you up to date and let you know when the first pieces are available for purchase.
If this isn’t enough, and let’s face it, it’s not, you can follow me on Twitter: @mrsodie2. Joel McHale direct messaged me once. And Joel Stein followed me. Sure, it was because correcting my typo gave him a chance to be funny, but I didn’t make the world; it was given to me this way.